You're my sunshine

I am scared of the future.

2010-03-26T12:37:00.002+08:00

Hi all. I've shifted to http://fuckyeahameila.blogspot.com/. The reason for me to shift to a new blog, new archives, new formspring, new entries. And of course, new space for me to type everything out.

I've been using this account ever since im 14 year old, i've moved to a new account. I want to move on, im for real. Im just wondering, when will i have the faith and courage to not cry and continue on with everything that is well planned by god.

Last night i prayed for you, people says "what comes around, goes around". You treated me real badly, nobody can ever imagine the pain i had in me for months. I think i am strong enough to leave this blog, account.

Okay, relink me alright! :-) Tc readers, you guys can follow me on twitter @ Emily_Amelia aye. i love you all, xoxo!

决不让眼泪往下流.

2010-03-25T21:03:00.003+08:00

Okay i think i posted this picture before? I doubt so, but i reckon it on the same time too, haha oke whatever. I had a pretty bad day anyway, but i kind off enjoy the day too because i recieve my pay cheque and as usual since yesterday, mr chomel have been making me smile and laugh by texting with me, i appreciate alot ;)

I was late for work today, because i woke up at 8am. For god damn sake, 8am is the time that im suppose to board 961 and head to work, hahaha! I was texting with mr chomel last night, that's why, and i'm a owl that can't fly, haha inside joke ^_^

So ok, im going to sleep early tonight, for real oke. Today's work sucks the most, seriously, i am starting to hate it when i am only disliking. Urgh, its getting on my nerves seriously, fu*k. Okay this is how it goes, i hate him and i swear, if i ever get the chance to get out of the company (insyallah), i'll be god damn fu*king happy!!

And i got my pay today, straight after lunch! Real happy, $480 sey! I can buy my D60 already, fui i suke! After work, headed to Bpp to find Aslina at some resturant. (You know i know la okay Ass.lina ^^) Walked home, sat down alone before heading home. Cried, called Fadhila. And yes, i cried on the phone with her, i was seriously heartbroken and i swear, its another worse day of year 2010..

Im currently webcamming with Sri, msning with Fadhila, Fiq & Woodpecker. I am happy that its friday tomorrow, and yes, im not working on saturday! Gonna stay at home and spend my day on my laptop and ya da ya da! And sunday, going to Nova with mom to shop for our new crib's furniture :) Can't wait.

If you are afraid of the changes that will happen in your life as a result of following your heart, thats natural. Just surrender to the changes , letting them happen. You are following your heart , which means you are finally having the experience your soul desires. This also means that you are getting back on the right path and living your life's purpose. its awkward or scary or like somthing is not right but you cant avoid this stage cause everything need to heal.

Im done. Im going to be happy. Trust me oka. I miss everyone who was once in my life, yes each and everyone of you.

Esp Hazmi & Hairul, how are you 2 doing? Hope to see both of you soon, no matter in coicidentally or planned, i hope you 2 stil remember the day/the part when you said about our forever.

Anw, i don't know why i hate my life, i go work, i face sacarstic words. I go home, tons of rubbishs coming towards me. Fuck, life is fucking bitchy lately, screw it.

K da, im off to sleep. B.y.e

Can't do it, neither will i.

2010-03-24T20:45:00.002+08:00

Hello! Selamat malam! So, today was a "ok" day. Boring as ever, but yknow, i don't know why i feel different today, its just something different from other days :/ Okay, i don't know how to explain either, its like... Urgh nevermind lol.

So last night was a very sad night, i cried like one silly fool -.- So managed to sleep after hanging up with Nelson. I think he called at 3.30am? So yeah, he wanted someone's number pretty badly, and luckily i managed to change topic by asking what time is it. Clever me, if not i'll see 2 fattys fighting (lolmao!!!)

So i hung up with him due to he asked me to sleep, and i swear, my eyes are very heavy already, zzz. So i slept, wake up at 7am. Chiong to bath room, bath, had a hard time putting on make up cause my eyes look very shag -__- So went out at 7.45am, took Lrt. 961 was late today, damn shit.

I was late due to the bus, NOT me! :@ Stupid boss still want me to apply 15 mins off due to im late. Somemore unpaid leave, wth right?! -____-" So i bobian, i apply loh. Tsk... Then Lynn came over to my company. Talked to me, and i am so happy. LOL, don't ask why, i won't say it here till its officially over. :)

Had canteen's food again for lunch, i won't get sick of it seriously, hahaha i feel like eating it again tomorrow, lmao! And whenever i eat that, Yingnan & Frediezel will say "SAME FOOD AGAIN?" HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Managed to do all the service reports by 5pm, but boss was out -,-"

Watched Mama Mia thru Frediezel's iTouch! ^^ Very nice and touching too, went back at 6pm. 961 as usual, reached home at 7.30pm, home, bath, online!

Chatted with Rahmat, Fadhila, Alson, Xiulingaida & Sri. Rahmat left for soccer playing already :( Hahaha anw, ah takpe, i don't wanna type here, nyhehehehe :P Gotta let Gummy, Michelle, Fadhila & Fana know only! :P

Tomorrow is Thursday, soon it will be Friday. I can't wait for weekends, i don't know why? There's no reason too, hahaha wtf -,-" Anw yesterday i met Cheryl for dinner and Tsazkir for some chilling out. Stupid Tsazkir laughed when i was telling him something very serious, lol!!

Okay i am missing somebodeh, die die die. Im hungry too. I only ate lunch for the past 3 days and i swear, im slimming down!! Okay not, i want to slim not im slimming. HAHAHAHAHAH dumb me -,-"

I don't know why is it that when we texts, msn, i feel real happy. This is a hint of crushing on someone, but i swear, i don't know you that well, and i don't see why am i crushing on you, stupid fireman. Quickly text me your dumbo!! Haha, eeeeek, i don't want to crush on you la idiot!

But he is so cute that i can't resist myself to stop looking at his picture. Okay this sentence sounds very sick, hahahah! ^^ But he is fucking cute, damn shit. I gotta control. Mhmmmmmm k la, im chatting with Fadhila now.

Bye!

Selfish girl.

2010-03-23T22:27:00.002+08:00

Im on the phone with Fadhila right now, and im currently feeling down too. Went for work, i am fucking sad. seriously. Very sad.

Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.

Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.

Very sad.Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.

Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.

Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.Very sad. Very sad.

Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.Very sad.Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.

Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad. Very sad.

Very sad. Very sad.

The look from my eyes tells you that i am strong.

2010-03-22T20:51:00.004+08:00

Hello there. I am here to post. Okay i know, you guys are wondering am i okay after posting the previous post. I swear i am absolutely fine, i just really need to cure the ache in me, and move on from him. My heart is in pain anyway, dumb me -,-" Shall drop this topic.

Went out after posting previous post, recieved quite a number of texts from friends making sure i am fine, because they thought i'll go and die or something, lol -,-" So i headed to Clark Quay, guess what?!! I took the wrong purple line, i headed to Boonkeng instead of Clark Quay. So i rushed out of the train at Boonkeng, and the bangla was all staring at me, wtf lol!!

Reached Clark Quay, met Xiuling and Yuee and hugged them! ;D Then we headed to Charles and Keith, then to Starbucks ;D Had Vanilla Latte and Oreo cake :P Then we slacked there and off to Singapore river there. Took pictures (On aida's fb)

Then off at 10.45pm. Reached home before 12am, Yuee went back with me while Aida went alone as she stays at Boonlay with all the bangalas. (AHAHAHA KIDDING :P) So reach home, wash up sleep!

Work today was okay, Selvie is on MC means we gonna have canteen food for lunch. BUT ITS TASTY CAUSE GOT STINGRAY!!!!!! HEHEEE ^^ SO SO SO!! Went back at 6pm sharp. Took 961 as usual, lrt home. Bumped into Alastair, then off to Ying's crib. Slacked awhile, then home.

Online, bath. Webcammed with Aida, and we had so much fun!!! Hahahah, i kept laughing till i cried and not fart! (I know whatcha thinkin Aida!!) So so, im so glad to be able to hear her laughter anyway!! Woman, we are strong, single, sexy. HAHA OK I AM NOT SEXY LOL!!! I LOVE YOU! :P I learnt sign language already, hehee i passed your test hor!!

Hope to see you on Saturday for chilling/lunch with Yuee aye? Heh, andandand!! Remember our deal! SMILE ALWAYS! :D We shall do our own emotions we had just now when we sees each other, gonna laugh our ass out oka!

I love Yuee & Aida for yesterday, seriously. I love this picture the most, rrrrreally!!

Hehe i loike! Thanks you 2 seriously, although last night i was down, you 2 managed to make me laugh by teaching me handsigns! And now! I know how to do already!! ^^ Love you 2, meet up soon okay!!

I may look weak and sad. You may think its impossible for me to move on.
I will prove you right. Yesterday's post, is not everything. There's still
some part, i didn't said it cause i don't want to hurt you, me, everyone.
Imma make use of the 3 weeks holiday to move on from you. :)

I love you alot, but hey, i gotta go cause you don't know how to treat me.
I must be happy no matter whutttttt, k la bye!! :D

thanks to those who cared. i appreciate it alot, when i saw tags on my tagbox, i cried because i was so touched. you guys make me felt better, i appreciate and thanks, each and one of you no matter on my blog, msn, facebook, twitter or on the phone. i love you all so much! Esp: FADHILA & MICHELLE YAP!!!!

Fuck you idiot, you are so heartless.

2010-03-21T18:04:00.002+08:00

I am seriousy disappointed. I heard from people that you said i was irritating? Fuck yourself md hairul. Im fucking pissed with you. Do you want me to post everything what you did behind me? Or should i ask my readers, are they curious about us? Are they curious why is it that i can't let go and why you can easily forget me?

Well yes they do, and im going to post everything out now. I won't even fucking care how will people think of you, hate me, curse me, whatever it is, you deserve it fucker, because what you did me to me is much hurtful.

You know i broke up with Hazmi, you came close to me. We lepaked, we had fun, you send me home, you text me. On 12th Nov, we confessed and you asked for stead. I agreed. You were so fucking sweet when we first got together. People calls it honeymoon period. You meets me everyday, making sure im happy and making sure im alright. I must say, you're the best boyfriend. And i will always remember that you woke up as early as 7am to book my 16th bbq pit for me @ Bangkit when Iskandar didn't booked it. You are always calling me at night, making me laugh and making sure im speaking perfect english without singlish in it. If i were to speak 1 singlish word, i'll owe you a kiss. And i'll always speak singlish on purpose cause i know i want to kiss you and i know you love it.

When you started working, we always meet up in the morning at 9.45am and we'll spend time together before you goes to work with Rashidi. I love it when we spends time, seriously. During your off days, we will always meet up with Gummy, Iskandar & Ilham to lepak together. And of course, you'll meet me before we meets them. I was seriously fucking in love with you very much, super much x10000000000000000000! (words can't explain how much i love you, really!)

So just weeks after you started working, you told me that there was girls having a crush on you. One of the girl's name was Rena. And there was once i was at town, i went to Paragon with Fana to look for you. And you know what you did?! You actually walked away from me to say Hi to Rena! At first i felt its nothing because you 2 are working mates and its very very common to say Hi. So you even said this..

Your hand was over my shoulder*

You: That girl cute right? *points to rena.*
Me: Uhuh, yeah. *smile*
You: Yes, and she is cuter than you. *smiles widely.*
Me: Ya... *look away and turn to Fana with eyes turning red*
Fana: Tsk... *look at me and ayun angrily*
Ayun: Are you going home now? I send you till the main entrance then.

So we walked there, we didn't talked, when i was out of Paragon, i cried. I really cried, Fana was pissed with you, i ain't pissed, i was disappointed at myself for being ugly. And i was really heartbroken when you said that to me.

So we will meet up at night if we don't meet in the morning. Its like a fairytale with small interuption in between. There was once i went town alone to head to Taka to have my interview taken. I went to greet your Mom, you once told me that your Mom likes me and i was really happy to hear that. So when i went to look for her, we chatted a lil and she kept smiling at me. After interview, i went to said bye to your mom and off to Tangs and look for you. Saw You and Rashidi at the smoking area, so after Rashidi left, there's only me and You. We spend around 30 minutes with each other, and you took my bangle and i took your watch in exchange so that i will have a reason to come out of my house at night to meet you.

So during the night when Singapore idol top 4's result night. You called me when you are on your way home. You said that there's this girl from Ck tangs likes you. She treated you Cheese cake and you had it inside the storeroom with her. JUST BOTH OF YOU IN THE STOREROOM. You told me that she hugged you. And after that you said that your handphone's battery is low and you will call me when you reached home. After we hang up, i was dumbfounded, i was so heartbroken again.. So you texted after we hung up, you told me that you kissed her on the cheek. You said you wasn't even thinking when you did that. You thought she was me. You apologize and you asked me to forgive you. You claim that you love me alot and you don't want me to leave you. You said "Sorry syg.. I syg you alot... please don't leave me"

And yes i forgave you, i cried that night after we hung up. I tried to forget it but i just simply can't, i really can't. So few days later, you told me that there's this one girl liked you. She called you Cat and you calls her Dog. She even said that Cat & Dog can fall in love together, and you just said "Yeah.. haha" YOU KNOW SOMETHING? YOU ARE LIKE A JERK, SERIOUSLY.

How do i know these? Well he told me every single thing. He updates me everyday when he finishes work. No matter whether is it good or bad stuffs, he will just update me. I love it that he updates me, so that i won't have to find out myself. I was softhearted when he starts to apologize etc etc..

During his birthday, we went to his chalet. You told me to lie to your mom that i am not your girlfriend but bestfriend. I agreed, so when i reached. We left at 8+pm. The next day you asked for a time out. Reason is because you want to relax and enjoy. I disagree with you and you just simply say "Too bad, i want it" You know something? I cried so hard when i saw that.

During the time out you had girlfriend. You even said she is better than me. You even dare to call me and say you will call me back but in the end you will say "Sorry, im otp with Jasmine" Fuck you, why must you do all these?! Can't you please fucking get out of my life? Ain't you sick of hurting me?! Ain't you tired after being a heartbreaker?

So you came back on 6th January 2010. I was overjoyed, seriously. But after that, things was so different. I couldn't call you Sayang. You wouldn't want to meet me. You chose to reply/call me when i am asleep knowing that i won't be able to pick up nor reply you. HOW CLEVER AND IDIOTIC CAN YOU BE? YOU EVEN SAID THAT YOUR MOM HATES ME.

So i asked for break. You even replied "As long as u are hapi..:)" Fuck yourself ayun, seriously. You are one dumb fucking lad without common sense and balls. _|_ So i had a hard time moving on. You complained to people that i am irritating. PEOPLE ALL THINK THAT I AM CLINGING ONTO YOU.

YOU THINK I WANNA LOVE YOU? YOU THINK IM THAT NICE? YOU THINK I AM?!

I told EVERYONE who asked about me and YOU. I SIMPLY TOLD THEM WHAT THE FUCK YOU DID TO ME.

I TOLD BOB, HE WANNA BEAT YOU UP, I STOPPED HIM.
I TOLD MEIMEIKIA, HE GOT SO ANGRY AND HE WANTED TO LOOK FOR YOU.
I TOLD FADHILA, SHE WAS SO FUCKING FED UP WITH YOU.
I TOLD EVERYONE WHO ASKED, ALL OF THEIR REACTIONS ARE THE SAME. WHICH IS... "AYUN IS THAT KIND OF PERSON?"

Yes, i make your name look bad, so what? What are you gonna do? You are the worse ex boyfriend. Although you are nice, but it only lasted for about 3 weeks? I am so blind to fall in love with you. Md hairul, you simply sucks. I hate the new you, i hate everything about you. Thank god i am shifting house so that i won't even have the chance to bump into you.

Fuck those who think he is right to treat me this way, you guys are heartless.
You are not fit to be a guy to treat a girl this way, seriously.

It took me awhile to find the courage to type all this out.
I didn't cried, but i was so hurt by reflecting back.

I won't want to see myself with another guy like you. I'd rather stay single.

Md hairul, i hate you. Please go and fuck yourself and get some commonsense.
AND DON'T LET ME SEE YOU IN SCHOOL PLEASE. PLEASE GO AND DIE.

A man who know how to treat a woman.

2010-03-21T13:42:00.004+08:00

Morning people! Im currently msning, twitting, blogging, downloading songs and also facebooking. I just hung up with Michelle, gonna head to Farris's block later'on to meet 'em.

Plan today is to meet Farris and co. Get home by 6.30pm. Then out again to Clark Quay to meet Xiuling Aida & Yuee. Haha great sunday! And im ready for the war tomorrow between me, lynn chua & my fvck up boss _|_ I think i'll get ready for all the shootings from him tomorrow, i just want to get out of the fucking company. NOTHING ELSE! :D

So insyallah tomorrow will be a great day, please please bless me :( Mhmm idk what to wear later on sia, wtf die already >:( I think.... Argh takpe, hahahaha! I feel like buying a dress from CottonOn but i can't spend already, im left with 50$ for this month!!!! Fuck my life. Takpe, i think im gettin my pay? Yeah yeah, im gettin my pay next week! *Kaching-kaching!!*

So i think imma buy later, hahahaha! Alrightos, everyone's out but not me. Im going to get a bath and then head to Southview! I wanna go to CottonOn, geez :/

So gonna head to CottonOn later on yeah, mhmm. Any nice songs to intro? Damn Eugene took my W595 and i got no songs to hear to, he keep asking me for it, stupid asshole.

Nevermind, today je.. Tomorrow cannot okay asshole!!!! You always like to bully me, stupid brother.. Hahaha! Okay la, off to download songs and nk siap!

Okay, im off! Chalo readers!

Move on for a better person.

2010-03-20T22:08:00.002+08:00

Alright, shall start blogging aite. Nelson called when i just woke up, he somehow "scolded" me on the phone for crying and staying awake for the whole night last night. After hanging up, he texted me. I was real touch to recieve such encouragements from him although we are ex couples. Thanks eh Ass, meet up soon, i miss you & Fiona alot, hah. :P (Remember my maggie mee hor!!)

Mhmm i went for work late today, cause it was raining, argh i hate rainy days, its freezing and i am wet cause i walked under the rain, damn. So i reached office at 0920am. Did my work which is to update 3 reciept and im done with my work, lolmao -__-"

So after work, left office building with Yingnan & Kk, thanks Yingnan for your umbrella, heh. :P Took 961, headed to Cck by 67. Reached Southview, headed to Farris's block, met Ayie, Alson with Michelle as she fetched me from Southview. Then waited for Farris to come down, then off to Lot1 with Michelle.

Took Lrt, bumped into Farid, then off to KFC. ^^ Then off to Amk hub for Michelle's spect, then off to Lot1 :) Mac, talked to her and i cried. OMGAWD. :( Then off to my block, lepak downstairs.

Then this cute civil defence guy came towards us. And this is our conversation.

Rahmat: Hello *to me
Me: Er hi. *smile
Rahmat: Can i get your number? My sergeant wants it.
Me: Chinese ke malay?
Rahmat: Chinese.
Michelle: How old?
Rahmat: 20+
Me: I don't like old guys, and i don't like chinese guys either.
Rahmat: Oh then malay uh?
Me: I never say *laugh*
Rahmat: Okay la, then nevermind..

Another chinese guy came forward.

Chinese guy: Eh c'mon la, give la. My sergeant wants it, can? Please? *in chinese*
Me: Erh, sorry, i don't go for chinese guys.
Chinese guy: Aiyor, then bobian liao lor, nevermind la.
Rahmat: Then me? I malay.
Me: *smiles* Idk?
Michelle: *look at me and laughed*
Rahmat: Okay la, i go back. Bye.
Michelle & Me: Okay bye.

Then they were like waving to us from the opposite like mad people, lol!! Then Rahmat came over again.

Rahmat: Cannot give uh? *talks to me*
Me: Can't, sorry. I only go for malays. Why not her? *points Michelle*
Michelle: *kanchiong* NONONO! Your sergeant wants her's right?
Me: Wtf..

Group of Civil defence guy was at opposite and pointing at me and waving. I was like "OMG. SCARY MUCH"

So in the end Rahmat asked for my number and yes, i gave! Haha he look like Ayun's uncle, Rashidi. But Rahmat cuter la, lol i think uh? HAHAHA.

So after that Michelle came up to my house, she took a bath and she left. And i had a chat with Xiuling Aida. She managed to make me decide on something very important, regarding my life.

I am born to be happy, not to be sad.
I am born to make the people around me to be proud of me, and not to be sad for me.
I am born to learn from my mistake and be a better person.
I am born to be loved by you, and then move on from you to a better lad.

I chose to love you in silent/public-ly, what i got was.. Nothing.
I chose to wait for you, what i got was... Nothing.
I chose to cry for you, what i got was.. Nothing.
I decided to suffer instead of you, what i got was.. Nothing.
I am letting myself to get hurt even more, not you. Its me all the way.
I wanted to get consoles and hugs from you, i got.. Nothing.

So why am i doing here to make me suffer? Im going to move on, i won't let Aida's tips go down to drain, if she can do it, i can too. Right Aida? Hehe. Thanks so much anyway Woman ;) Hope to see you & Yuee tomorrow aite :p

Okay i think i am very awesome today, although i cried, but i am moving on!! Yay, i know words are cheap, but mine are real priceless okay people... Hahahaha lol!

Okay i am done, chalo!

Not anymore.

2010-03-19T21:04:00.004+08:00

Hello hello! Okie dokey, shall start blogging nao. Today i went for work, woke up at 7.31am and yes i am late. Bath, went out. Took 961, and luckily i am not late, haha :P

Reached workplace, did my work. Had canteen's food for lunch, it was delicious, lol i think im far too hungry i guess? Because i skipped last night's dinner :/ After lunch, went back. Did work halfway, i fell asleep lol.

Well all i can say is today is the boringest day i ever had. Urgh, and the time travelled damn slow okay -___-"

So tomorrow is saturday, im working. Sian lo, haiz.. Meeting Vic tomorrow at Town for lunch tomorrow! :D Can't wait to see her.

Anyway i know my post are gettin boring, but i got nothing to blog about it eh.... :/ Last night i had a very very sweet dream, cause i dreamt of me and him patching up!!!

Ohmygod right, in the dream i was so happy till i cried. But when i woke up, then i realized.. Its just a fucking dream, urgh -__- Make me happy for nothing leyz, stupid me stupid dream stupid idiot kanasai. :(

Mhmm, my babygirl as activated her blog back!! Haha do visit her blog alright, her posts are real damn cute but only if she posts regularly la eh, hahaha! So just now i had fun msn-ing with Fiq, Fana & Woodpecker. It's fun disturbing someone, lol!

So yup, i just downloaded a song by Katherine Mcphee, my old time favourite, the song name is "Over It". Go and hear it, its real nice and sad too la, lol. :/ You know me, i am a girl who always get attracted to songs likethat, hahaha!

Okay la, im done. Shall go and get some sleep if not i'm going to be late tomorrow again! Half day tomorrow, then off to Town! :D Can't wait, i realize that i've been hitting town every saturday lol~

I am absolutely numb from all these pain.
When you see me giving up, thats when im really sick of everything.
I want to move on, that's what my mind wants. But when i asked my heart....
She said "No, you still love him" damn.

Hi mr future, please treat me better.

2010-03-18T20:46:00.004+08:00

Hi. I am currently feeling down again. But nevermind, i must be strong :') So anyway, today i met Idah @ Tampines :) Headed to have Mac for breakfast, then off to Bouna Vista. Took 198 and headed to Dover ITE.

Then after that, i went to Cck and meet Michelle. Met Yimling, Fakh & Michelle, then off to buy birthday cake for Farris. Then took 307 (i think uh) and headed to Michelle's block nearby.

Salam everyone, sang birthday cake, cut cake, sabo. Asked Suhaimi to lend me his Shirt and Shorts as im wearing dress, mcm awkward kan, everyone wearing casual, only me wear dress. Even Akif said "Eh you go where sia?" Lol! Thanks Suhaimi anyway! ;)

Met billyfiq there, said hi and off to Sunshine for CS! Then went to Sunshine, waited for the lanshop to have space for us, while waiting, we were playing afool outside the shop. Stupid Ayie kept disturbing me. And Fakh too! He kept hitting me with Farris's present. And when i said "Eh, don't kurang aja okay!!" Then he and Ayie laughed when i said that, dumbshit! -__-"

So i met a new friend there, he look like Izad!! ^_^ And he is from Clementi ITE too, haha cool cool!! And i asked him this.

Me: What course are you from?
Him: Leisure and Travel.
Me: Huh?! Legend and treasure?!! Got this kind of course?
Yimling : *laugh* Stupid!!!
Him: Leisure and Travel la!
Me: Oh? HAHAHAHA sorry!!
Him: You Clementi meh? Why i never see you?
Me: Cause i only go school on every Tuesday je. That's why!
Him: Oh cool, eh wait, i think i see you before.
Me: *thinking : mcm fhm sia* Really?
Him: You wear white polo and pants?!
Me: NO WAY! NO PANTS!! *laugh*
Him: Oh! Maroon polo and skirt?
Me: Haha ya.

Dumb right, i know la, Legend and Treasure.. HAHAHAHA. So we went to block 427 for Soccer. Get to know from Ayie that Hazmi stay near there, haha kinda got excited i don't know why, wondering how is he anyway? Farris fell down, mcm nk step boleh jump over the seat, and he end up slipping down, damn bloody funny, but cute sikit lah, hahaha! Basically everyone was laughing at him, roflmao~ Mhmm.. Left around 7.20pm, took 300. Headed to Toilet as i want to urine so badly (Michelle & Yimling know why) HAHAHAHA.

So i changed, and headed home. Took lrt, then sat below my block alone, nearly cried when i was alone, dumb -,-" So i quickly went back home, bath, online.

Msned with Fadhila, Safiah, Fana, Billyfiq & Aryna. Thanks to all of you, especially Billyfiq & Fadhila Fadoila!! :D

Ok i am done, not really in the mood to post anything interesting, so yeah. Anw tomorrow is friday.

Bye.

So what if i loves you? Do you care?..
I am still trying to move on from you, no matter what, i will continue to try.
All i know is, i love you alot. Sigh, im such a stupid fool.

I miss you terribly.

2010-03-17T21:03:00.005+08:00

Okay hello readers. Im here to blog about today like duh. Woke up at 7.19am, bath, make up-ed, went out. Rush for the lrt cause i am late already. Reached Bukit Panjang, walked in my fastest speed, managed to board the 8am 961! *Phew* lol

Board already, there's this one fat auntie pushed me! Fuck fat ladies. And she wanted to sit but hahaha there's this uncle sat on it, i wanted to laugh but can't uh, must maintain, hahaha! But i hate her stomach and her buttock sia. Keep pushing me, i feel like using a needle and poke it till it burst sia! Then she end up sitting beside me, urgh. -.-

And there's this 1 fat lady, muke mcm nk sepak! She was chewing on bubble gum and she mcm nk action by blowing the bubble and there will be a sound like "pop". And everyone will look at her. So when i heard that, i looked at her, and muke die satsat siol! Wtf, bubblegum only, muke takya satsat perh.... Stupid fatso. -.- LOL.

Okok, i better stop being so mean towards fat ladies, cause i don't wanna be fat. I am trying to slim down, my aim is to be standing at 165am, 50kg. LOL. I think i cannot make it, im only 160 and 55kg -.- Cb, gemok siaa :-( Shall start skipping meals!

So had lunch at Central ; some korean resturant. Decided to try to transfer company as i don't like my current company's boss, nk abuse rights to ask about our privacy life. He even said that i was late for work cause i meet boyfriend, padehal i single and when he said that i was like "Cb. I know la, i single, don't need to say that to hurt me kan? Ccb..." From that day onwards, i seriously hate him like one bloody fuck.... _1_

So anyway, i called Viv to help me by asking her boss whether can i join her company, her boss asked to go for interview!! Haha so happy!! Insyallah i get hired and hooray! I can transfer company!!!! :D :D

Didn't did much work, was busying seperating invoices, and picking up calls on behalf of Venu :P So lemme tell you all this, confirm you all laugh (ok la, if you guys know how i talk in real life la eh, lol)

Me: Hello, Mircobits.
Customer: Hello, may i speak to Annie?
Me: Annie is not in the office.
Customer: Oh how about Frediezel?
Me: Yes she is, takecare. (suppose to say hold on)
Customer: Ok.
Me: *think back* Eh nono, i mean hold on *laughing*
Customer: Oh ok. *laugh*

Then i transfered the call already, i laugh and laugh, the whole department that im working at was like laughing and everyone was looking at us, wtf sia, paisey sia. lol!! Okay i admit, i wasn't concentrating :/

End work at 6pm, took 961. Reach Bp, took Lrt, walk home. Reach home, bath online. There's this one angmoh eh, name die Ziggy. He started to chat with me on fb.. And this is how it goes..

Ziggy: Have you ever had sex?
Me: NO!
Ziggy: Are you saving it?
Me: Err? Idk? (Seriously, i am speechless...)
*close convo*

He is kinda scary, firstly he said he wanna fly to Singapore and look for me. And he said he want me to be his girlfriend. Thirdly, he said he want me to kiss me. NOW HE ASK ABOUT MY VIRGINITY. Cb, what's next dude?... Urgh, i feel so bloody disgusted. :S

I can't make myself to concentrate on my work today.
I can't make myself to stop thinking about it.
I can't make myself to be happy cause i am not happy enough to be.
I can't make myself to be sad cause i am not sad enough to be.
I started to realize.. I am such a fool, i don't know what to do..

Hopes crashed, i am moving on.

Yes i read your blog, so you are trying to say i am not understanding enough? Great, thanks. If i am not understanding enough, i won't forgive you over the Johnny thing. You actually used vulgarities on your blog, i perangai mcm dog abis?

Okay now i know lah hor, people do fucking change, you said i changed into a better person while you are not. I wasn't convinced, but now i am absolutely convinced. I am changed into a better person to not get angry so easily. How about you? You are indeed changed, you actually used vulgarities on me, how the heck do i know you need time alone?

Nevermind, try you? Eh nabeh, you should try me lah hor, pcb. I rarely get so angry ever since i changed. Fuck you, you think you very daisai by posting? Pcb, you see, you go and find another sister that will be like me, you go and find. I guarantee you cannot find another one like me. Just you see lah, ask me to try you? Fuck off and get a life.

If you wanna kao my jiaowei to anyone, go ahead, i won't stop you. Go and tell everyone how weak am i in my love life, go and tell everyone how am i like. I won't fucking stop you, i only said i was disappointed, tak ya post mcm gini peh, you remember this day, sisters? NO MORE. YOU SEE THIS. NO MORE SISTERSHIP BETWEEN US.

*I rarely get so angry, and i am seriously fucked up, i guess this anger won't be fading.

Me today very happy, haheho!!!!

2010-03-16T22:19:00.004+08:00

Hello readers! Its a terrific tuesday today!! Well not totally but can say its terrific lah, hehez. :P So shall start talking about today aye :P

Woke up at 6.45am, ironed my skirt, bath, went out at 7.30am. Took 963, texted Vivien, even told her to get ready to be late! She said "Won't, i will be early, just you see" Guess what, she is late!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHA :p

Met her at the traffic light, went to KFC. Uhuh, skipped EFC lesson, met Idah & Dayah at school bustop, walked in. Went to idk what room, then went for CS lesson. Mrs Tan was not feeling well so she let us out for early lunch!! :D :D

So went out of school, my mood was spoilt when we were crossing the road. Wanted to walk there so that i won't have to cross the road, but the rest pulled me and they malas nk walk. So we crossed, and my heart went from (U) to (U) x20. Urgh x_x

Took 105, went to Mac. Didn't want to eat but Zirah look at me and said "EAT!" sia la, mater die mcm nk pop out sia lol!!! So i bobian, i eat. Then went to walk around @ Clementi. Then bus 52 back.

Went for self revision, took pictures (on my facebook) Went to the printing room for papers, then walk back. While walking back, my mood literally went up to the highest point and i was god damn fucking happy!!! Omg, i was fucking shocked anyway, hehe and i kept laughing and smiling to myself when we are on our way back to meet up with the rest. Anw Idah was with me and she was like "Omg?!!!" when he said bye to me, hahahah! Omg today is the best tuesday ever, i loike!!!!

Then off to idk room and had our test! Had CS & OSA test. I swear.... Im going to flunk it. So anyway, after that we went back. Talked to Mrs Seetoh regarding the claim matters, and i nearly spilled out something that can really land me in deep shit. LOL!!

Me : Your daug... Er nothing.
The rest started laughing like crazy people.
Azira's fav teacher : Oh you mean Debbie is Mrs Seetoh's daughter? The fat fat de ah? *shows fat people by his arms*
*All of us laughed*

Okay, you guys won't get what am i saying, but seriously, its fucking funny lol. Well its better than saying Kingkong okay.... HAHAHA whatever :p

So after that, walked to Clementi. Went to Ljs, met Idah's boyfriend that sombong dude. Haha but he is nice to talk with la, tapi mcm malas + malu sikit, hahaha!! Last long love!!

Then took mrt and lrt home. Bath, online! ^^

If you were to see this today, i want to tell you, today is the best tuesday ever since school started. I appreciate much for you making my day, thanks so much! See you till when i sees you alright.

Mhmm anyway i really love today alot, and im sorry to Aslina for buey-ing your tomorrow. Im so sorrrrrry dear!! :-( Owe you a movie date alright darl! ^^

Im working tomorrow, yay? Meh need to wake up early again -.-" Haizzzzzzzz so boring..
Moving and packing stuffs in 2 weeks time, can't wait to move in!!! Deciding who to invite to my new house :P

AND RENA SAW MY PHOTOSHOOT'S PHOTO ALREADY. BUT I HAVEN'T. :-(
FARRIS IMAN...... WHY YOUR USB SO LOUSY ONE :-(
I WANT MY PHOTOSHOOTS PHOTO A.S.A.P :-(
STUPID TIKOS! HAHAHAHA!

In conclusion, im real happy today, i appreciate it alot, may i know why you did that?
I miss you calling my name anyway :') I miss you alot too. More than you can imagine.
If i can, i'll go and hug you and never let go. If i can have the chance of having you back by my side, i'll appreciate you and learn to be a better girl of yours. But you know something, its all if. Haha i am so dumb -,-"

STOP DREAMING EMILY!!! GOODNIGHT! GOTTA CALL MY MAK NONOK ^^ HEHE.

Unlucky feeling is within me

2010-03-15T21:55:00.003+08:00

"Did you know that when people appear in your dreams, it's because that person wants to see you."

So is it true? I've dreamt about you, not twice but alot of times. I asked my mom why do i dream about a person for so many times, almost everyday. She says i've been thinking about that person every minute, but trust me, i don't do that. I forced myself to keep myself occupied and i don't even have the time to think of you. (Well sometimes i do and end up tearing.) Different dreams, different scenario.

There's fights between us, there's reconcile between us. There's sparks between us. Its all in the dreams. I cried in every dreams, every scenario, because i know you are no longer with me. Reconcile, i was crying so hard when i woke up, i know its a dream, its not reality.

I start to realize, i really need you badly. I miss you very much, i want you to care for me one more time, i miss how are we like when we are together. I miss how we started having feelings for each other when we are hanging out almost everyday ever since i turned single. Those days was the best, you treated me like a princess..

I am not a desperate girl, i am still the Emily who loves you like how she does last time. Its been 2 months since we broke up, i guess you've moved on from me. Do you know that i miss you terribly, i look forward to every tuesday as i'll see you, but i am so afraid of getting my heart broken into much more small pieces.

Pardon me for my weakness, i just miss you alot and i don't see why am i having difficulties moving on from you because i can easily move on from my previous ex although i have difficulties too. My dear boy, what's wrong with me? Do you know why?

Everytime when i go online, i'll be signing into Facebook first, type your name on the search box, view your profile then i'll be doing my stuffs after that..

I've got no more strength and faith to carry on. I just want you to know, i still love you..

Please say that you misses me.

i love you

2010-03-15T19:55:00.002+08:00

Okay hi. I am currently feeling down like again. Wondering when will all these sadness go away from me. I hate the feeling of being sad... >:(

So i woke up at 7.41am, yes i am late already, i should be out at by 7.30am. So i chiong to the bathroom, bath for 5 minutes (the fastest ever lol) I went out at 7.55am. And today i never put make up then go out already, ugly to the max lol. What a great way to start the week. -,-"

Took Lrt, then 961. Fucking 961 take so long to come! I was gettin more and more impatient, wanted to flag for a cab and just go for work! But when i wanted to, 961 appeared, sibeh angry x_x"

Board already, got 2 fucking fat lady squeezed me, nabeh. I feel like pushing them, well i tried and guess what?!!! I FAILED! Fuck fat ladies, cb! I hate fat ladies, and i swear i don't want to be 50kg and above! _1_ So there's once i jeleng at one of the fat lady, then she stare at me siol, then she wanted to sit down at 1 empty seat, and guess what? I sat on it before she does! Nyahahahah! I know i am mean but yknow, i hate being squeezed and pushed around. -.-

It took 45 minutes for me to reach E-centre, where my office is located at. Went up to office, again i was the last girl to reach. Lmao~ On my computer, did my usual stuffs ya da ya da~ Lunch time, ate canteen's food again, awful. Lol, went up to office, slept. Then Hooiyee woke me up. Chatted with her & Mylen.

Then went back to my place at 1.15pm. Nothing to do at all, damn boring. Played with Selvie's iTouch again lol. Till 5.45pm, returned her, transfer stuffs from my W959 to E71. Deleted alot of photos, well i felt like crying when i was deleting, because every picture remind me of different scenario. Sucks..

6pm!! Out of office building with Venu, Yingnan & Selvie! :D Went seperate ways, took 961 with Frediezel & Linn. Both of them alighted earlier than me. I alighted at Bpp. Took Lrt to Pending and walk home afterwards. Saw Shehnaz & Amira at Bp's platform before boarding train, i even asked Amira whether is there Drama, and she said "Its march holiday." I was like "Oh ya!!!" Lol dumb me. x_x

Home, bath. Online. Skipped dinner again, yay can slim down! I only ate lunch today lol~

Tomorrow is tuesday, damn fuck -.- Bet with Viv that 8.30am must reach bustop, if late, must belanje KFC meal! I've waited for her last week for 45 minutes, i don't mind waiting tomorrow anyway. ^^v

I hope tomorrow will be a better tuesday, seriously.
Every tuesday is the day when i will always be sad.
Tuesday is the day when i know i have never moved on.
Tomorrow is tuesday, fuck.

I miss A :-(

When i am strong, you pull me down.

2010-03-14T21:23:00.003+08:00

Alrights, second post of the day. Gonna head to sleep at 11pm tonight, real shag, my ass hurts since yesterday due to riding of Farris's bicycle with him. And i will go "Ah my ass hurts" and Farris will go "Eh? Sorry ah!" Padehal its not his fault, lol =.=

So yeah, i think got blueblack eh D: Die already, but i still love sitting on the bicycle! Its so shiok, hehe shall get him to tompang me soon :P So fun!! HAHAHA.

I'm feeling kinda low yknow, although i changed the blogskin today.. Sighs, where is my inspiration for being happy?!! :( I don't feel like going to school on Tuesday, when i tries to be strong, i will be sad at the end of the day. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck this.

Can i please fall sick on Tuesday? Please please please let me fall sick on Tuesday. I am sick and tired of every Tuesday's outcome, ever since i started schooling, every Tuesday's outcome is always fucking same. Fuck -.-

I OFFICIALLY HATE TUESDAY :(

I was feeling mutual when im on my way to buy dinner for grandma and myself. As the lift reached level 1, i saw a couple sitting on the bench where me and him always sat on. Well when i saw them, this sad feeling came back to me immediately, i started to think of everything over again, real sucks. When i am on my way back, they are still there, i am seriously heartbroken when i saw that scene. Damn, stupid right me? -.-

Da la, da mcm org pathetic sia aku. FML

Although i hates you, i still sayang you.
I admit im the worse fool in the whole wide world, i admit.
Friends all ask me to hang on and move on strongly, i listened.
But whenever i tries to move on, something regarding you will always pop out!
Not only you, when i tried to move on from Nelson & Hazmi, its the same!
I hate falling in love, everytime when i falls, i take a long time to stand up.

DAMN YOU, MY MOOD IS CURRENTLY = :@ + (U) + :( + :'(

Anw, those tags on my tagbox is making me laugh, super cute!! Haha thanks, you girls make my day although im upset!!!!!!! >:(

First love.

2010-03-14T13:21:00.003+08:00

Hello to my readers! Today is Sunday and tomorrow is Monday again. Damn. Sometimes i really feel like quitting my Traineeship course eh, sighs. I hate the way im living now, its like im too young for these, i don't have school holidays, i have to work on 2 saturdays on every month, real sucks yknow. Argh fuck this, should've studied harder and get into the course i want, but like i said should've. Haha so to those who are taking N/O level, jiayou, don't end up like me, its like so useless. :[

Okay shall start talking about other stuffs. I woke up at 9.30am, ate Chicken rice. Bugging mom to get me a camera. And she was like "iTouch, Camera.. What else?" I immediately went "OKOKOK, CAMERA!" Lolmao, heh i am clever :P I hope she will get it for me as i lobang!! :D Okay Mom, if you see this, please buy for me cause tomorrow is your birthday. AHAHAHAHAHA :D

So yeah, after eating, Bro & Yongsheng left for Lion Dance at Woodlands. Only me and Granny at home. So once again Shehnaz decided to not attend the Drama class. So i think i am not going to teman her to attend that class already, because she will go when Claire is there. But Rosie is there and she just want to go when Claire is there. So i've made up my mind, i am not going to attend that class even though i misses acting, but i feel real fucked up when she decided not to attend for the 2nd time.

Wanted to hit town, but didn't managed to jio people out, decided to stay at home till night i suppose, not feeling well too, fuck monthly jinx lolmao.

Victoria Sist & I was checking out some Ahlian's blog, and they were only 12 - 13 year old?!! Hahaha, damn funny! One of them actually posted one picture and she edited with a sentence "Minah Wannabe". When i saw that i jitao laugh like one fuck, seriously that picture cmi, she don't even look like a malay let alone minah. HAHAHAHA! Okay i know im very mean. Another thing is that they were talking about Vagina on their tagbox, they even said "My vagina alot of hair like sushi." What i thought was "SUSHI GOT HAIR?" Funny ttmax, it made my day, esp the Minah Wannabe lol.

Its gonna rain soon, heard from Mom that our new house is half renovated, i can't wait to move in!! Although i have to walk a distance to Pending lrt.. -__- But its okay, hehe! Eh wait, but my new house is near to Ilham's block, and Ilham's block holds memories for me, damn argh (U)

I have no mood already, i don't know why. Anyway this is a picture that we took on Aida's 18th birthday, i took it from her Album 2 :D Look for me! (I look f.ugly inside lol)

Okay im done with my post! Bye!

-

Yay, i changed my blogskin at 5.50pm. I used 2 hours on this,re-aligning etc. Its fun and annoying tho, but i loike! Hahaha, okay dinner time!! Shall go and buy dinner for myself and Grandma ^^ Me so happy after changing blogskin, heh. :P

Stupid in love but i am not stupid.

2010-03-13T20:11:00.003+08:00

Hello readers! Im currently on msn with Victoria Sist & Afiqah, texting with Ahling Sist & listening to First Love. Mhmm shall start blogging about today aye! :-)

So i woke up at 12pm. (Sibeh shiok, its been 4026539 weeks since i woke up at 12pm!) Woke up, brush teeth, shit eh wait, today i never shit, i urine je. (Hahahah jk.) So i came online, chatted with Victoria Sist, Ahling Sist & Fana Haronkia. So yeah, went to bath. Met Ahling Sist @ Pending!

Met Irene and hugged her!!! Damn i miss her like fuck! I didn't got to see her when i went back to CDSS & finally i got to see her today!!! So hay-pee, nyhahaha :P So met Sist already, walked to withdraw money as Eugene took my last 10$ :(

So after that walked to Plaza, had KFC! Saw a Ex-cdian there, Akid i think? I was Secondary 1 when i get to see him, he was Sec 5 then, lol. So didn't managed to smile cause we only stare at each other, lol so yeah, okay what am i talking?!!! Lolmao. So went to Guardian to buy plaster for Farris.

Went to my block by taking 960. Met Farris & Michelle. Then slacked there, stupid Farris keep making me laugh like one fuck, and i nearly fell down infront of him, stupid kan?!! So Ahling Sist took 963 and left. Farris, Me & Michelle cycled to CDSS. Well i can't ride (If you guys know me well, lol)

So i tompang Farris's bike cause his bike bigger, psl aku da gemok, hahaha!! It was scary, very scary like fuck! I kept screaming and Farris keep saying "Shutup la Emily, shiok sendiri peh? Just relax and have fun" I was like "Fuck you Farris, its scary!!!!" Lol and Michelle was singing to herself when she is riding. And this is me and Farris's conversation while we were on our way to school on the bike:

Farris : Emily, you hear that?
Me : Ape?
Farris : Michelle mcm shiok sendiri sia!
Me : *thinks* What she do? Lol.
Farris : She sing alone and so loud!!!
Me : *hears & concentrate*
Michelle sings louder.
Me & Farris : *LAUGH SO LOUD AND NEARLY LOST BALANCE*
Michelle : *look at us* What?
Farris : Shut up la, sing alone like shiok sendiri!

LOLOLOL CAN'T STOP LAUGHING SERIOUSLY LMAOOOO. Okokokok, control* So yeah, we end up walking in cause im heavy and everyone is tired :/ HAHAHHA. So walk in, waited for Fakh and Rayyan. Took cigg, then off to my block again! Going back was shiiiiiok. The slope down was lagi shiok, i was on Farris's bike and he rode so fast that i screamed! But i love it! So we rode back, i led them and they rode the long way, which is by block 139 that way, ahahahahha! So went to my block, went to buy drink, met Ayie.

Then lepak for awhile and im home! Online straight away! Watching Telephone by Lady Gaga ft Beyonce. I swear that video is super sexy, it should be for 16 and above eh, underage cannot see! Guys see confirm steam siol, okay not confirm lol.

So yeah, i wanna say thanks to Ahling Sist, Victoria Sist & Mantha Sist. Seriously, especially Ahling Sist, from Hougang to Panjang to make sure i am okay, i am very touched. And Mantha Sist, its okay if you can't come down and cheer me up, wuxim jiu okay alright Sist. Andand Victoria Sist!!! Me so happy that both of us are like last time already, hehe :3 Love you ttmax.

Now i know, what is the meaning of "sisters". I am kinda disappointed in You, shall not talk about this, only me, ahling & victoria know about this. Heh. Okay im done!! You guys gotta watch this video!! :-)

AND THIS

HAHAHA BAI! :D

Amazing Sisters Forever ; USB.

2010-03-13T14:05:00.002+08:00

First outing was held around last year. Misses them alot! So Ahling is coming down to my area to meet me. So happy!! I totally cheered up when she said she come down to find me to make me happy cause i was very sad for the past few days. So yeah, im happy today, lol i know i am lame.

So yeah, im off to bath~ Chiao! Ahling sist @ Cck alr. Heh!

Where were you last night?

2010-03-12T20:14:00.003+08:00

Hello readerz! So i didn't came online last night due to some problems. So i was otp with Shiping Princessey last night! :D Hehe so happy to talk otp with her last night, miss her much! :') Watched chinese movie last night alone, i know, mcm loner. So shall talk about yesterday okay!

Went to Cck to meet Haronkia. Then met Farris outside Cheers. Then off we took Mrt to Yio Chu Kang, had a super long talk with Farris and he is mean as ever, always always disturb me. -.- Mcm nk punch gigi die! AHAHAHAHA. Sooooo we alighted already, took 72 and off to AMK ITE ^^ Reached there, 3 of us da kantoi. Buses are there to fetch them to Dover. Fana nk cabot pon failed! Stupid, should have left school, then her gemok teacher ask her go take bus, somemore fana can say "oh now take bus ah?" nk step blur only, b!tch. HAHAHHA.

So i got no choice... i went to AMK hub alone, i was fucking pissed uh, so i went there. NO SHOPS WERE OPEN! WTF -.- So i sat down alone... Etc etc, skip this, mcm loner, paisey nk post kat sini. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. So finally! They left Dover! So i bus back.

Met Haronkia at bustop, walk in, met Farris and his friends at the foyer. Then off to the studio. And photoshoot starts! Saw Kimiekeai's sister, SiaoChick i think? So yes, photoshoot was fun, stupid farris keep asking me to pose in some weird manners, idiot. LOL! But i had fun la, my 1st photoshoot sia! Heh, gotta ask him to send me (he wanted to send me last night, but i never online..) So hehe, i had fun!!

Went back after 2nd shoot, headed to AMK hub again. Then off to Bpp for my dinner. Then home!

Today, work as usual, saw Yanto and Serhan at Pending this morning. Talk to them then off for work. Had lunch at Central's KFC. Tempted to buy iTouch! :( So yeah, today is a boring working day anywayyyyyyy :( Went home at 6pm.

Currently waiting for Farris and Fadhila to come online! :) Chatting with Vict & Fana. Tagbx chatting with "Adam Lambeard". Tagged commenting with Haikal, he is so cute, hahaha :/ Listening to Who will i run to.

OKAY CHALO! WILL POST MY PHOTOSHOOTS PHOTO AS SOON I GET IT FROM FARRIS!

So anyway, i got something to say. I have this bestfriend whom i knew since we are at 15 of age. We sits beside each other, and she is real sweet AT FIRST. :P But she can be so sick that you wanna run away from her.. HAHAHAHA TAK LA! :P But the reason why am i so sick/open is because of her lah eh :3

She can go gugugaga over guys, and she loves Frank Iero the most. She can go emo when she talks about Frank Iero, reason cause he is married :) I know she may sound cute but yknow.... Its somehow weird. HAHAHAHA. So now she is currently crazy over Adam Lambert. She is like "he is so hot!" She got her photo, videos in her phone and i got irritated when she goes "Adam lambert is so hot sia!!!"

And today is his concert which is held at Universal Studio kan3? She was like "Shit la, tmr adam is coming to singapore and i can't go sia.. Emily im so sad" i was like speechless. LOL I SWEAR. SHE IS CUTE BUT SICK AT THE SAME TIME! LOL!

Okay, she will be reading this.. And yes, i better hope for the best :P HAHAHAHA.

How could you be so heartless..

2010-03-10T21:06:00.002+08:00

Hello readers! Well shall start blogging right nao, i don't wanna waste time.

I woke up at 7am today, didn't want to wake up due to the weather, is like very cooling and comfortable to sleep but no choice, have to go for work =.= So woke up, bath. Heavy rain, can't go out -.- So asked mom to drive me to bustop cause she can't send me to my office, damn sad.

So she send me to bustop, took 961. Reached office at 9.30am, i was late and the last to reach LOL. So had lunch at canteen because it was raining heavily still. (Anyway canteen's food sucks.)

Anyway did i told you guys that i am the first staff in year 2010 to get their internet access blocked?!! Well i got blocked by my boss. Damn, i was like "Wtf why block me sial." Urrrrrrrgh, stupid boss!!! No brain, no internet = cannot do work. HAHAHAHA!!! :P

I didn't had much work to do today, kept yawning like one lazy girl. Borrowed Selvie's iTouch, played HotelFanatic. (Y) Fun game, i loiiike!!!! :D So so, went back at 6pm. Took 961 as usual, that smelly and squeezeeeee bus :S

Sat beside a korean (i think) guy. He is kinda cute but i don't like. So he fell asleep, so do i. Haha and guess what!!!!!??? He slept on my shoulder!!! And he is fugging heavy too, i wanted to wake him up but mcm kurang aja, so i didn't. And he slept on my shoulder about 45 minutes?! My hand eventually went numb, and when he woke up, he didn't even bother to say sorry, stupid guy, no manners! Should've woke him up and give him a loud "TSK!" Hahahah!

So reach home, bath, online. Msn with Victoria sist. Meeting Farris tomorrow, i can't wait for tomorrow, and oh, meeting Fana haronkia tomorrow too!!

So i've been feeling real down since last night. Can't get to sleep, but i still did. I didn't ate much, only ate my lunch today. I am hungry, but the sight of food makes me puke. Sigh, i can see the signs of the old emily. Haha great, can slim down already :) So today Fadhila called, nearly cried on the phone, feel so stress out.

Argh, whatever it is, im not gonna fucking care about it. Its always regarding this, fuck. Go and die la heartache virussssssssssssss.

I doubt i can sleep tonight. Damn.. Urgh whatever it is, im done! B.Y.E

Semua Tentang Kita.

2010-03-09T21:59:00.002+08:00

Hi readers, im here to update. But first thing first, i lost the battle today. Real disappointed with myself, nevermind, i can do better next week. I hope so lah, i can't give up on forcing myself. :-)

So i went to Subway with Vivien just now, then we took Mrt back. Took lrt back, walked home. Wanted to take the side lift but the lift went up, stupid lift -__- So decided to take the center lift, saw Alan, Brother and Weijie. Talked to them, saw Aidil. Then i was hesitating to whether walk to the center lift or the side's. So said hi to Aidil and Ayun.

Went to lepak. Then left home at 8.30pm. Home, bath. Online. K im done.

I am not really in a good mood cause i didn't got through today. I think i sucks today, im a loser seriously, fucktard is me. I hate this.

I had a hard time to not look at you as much as i can, cause it makes me wanna cry.
Was very happy to see you waving to me in a semagat way although i only smiled to you.
I got no idea to be happy or to be sad. I really don't know.
I am really very happy to be able to see and talk to you.
I am really very sad to know that i never even moved on for 1 inch.
Loser defines me. So yeah, i am a loser.

K bye.

Hey whore, life for you is over.

2010-03-09T17:18:00.002+08:00

Hello readers! Im currently in school, Mrs Seetoh's lesson, and i can't believe that today i actually did my work! God damn, haha emily is changed~~~~ Okay shutup, so merepek. So i woke up at 7am reluctantly, i didn't want to go for school yknow, urgh ._.

So i woke up, bath, went out at 7.30am :] Wanted to go to the bustop opposite my block, but come to think of it, better not, haha i know im weird. So i went to Pending's instead, took 963, then the 2nd stop was the stop opposite my block, and guess what, so lucky that i didn't went to that bustop!!! Haha cause He was there, so yes, i feel kinda lucky~ :P

He didn't board the bus too, so i am ultra lucky today!! I didn't met him in school either, hiakkkkkkkkk so heng!! I love today! ^-^ ;laughs. So i reached school, waited for Vivien at the bustop for about 1 hour -__- Damn dulan, wanted to go in school straight away but kesian her, urghhhhhh. So while waiting, there's this fvcking cute chinese guy looking at me, omg sibeh cuteeeeeee i loike* Hahaha! So yeah, he is really cute.

So went to Mrs Lum's lesson, she didn't say anything about being late, so felt kinda *phew* Had to do script writing, but i haven't even touch on it, so god please bless me :-) Hahaha. So after that went to Mrs Tan's lesson. So sleepy, had early dismissal for Lunch. Waited for Aslina outside Co-orp. Then took 106 to Clementi. Had Kfc!

Cabot CS, lepak at some block. Lol so went back school for CSA. Hah like what i said, i did 2 works!!! :D :D

So i think i've reached my this week's goal, but its not even Wednesday, so yeah, don't wanna think so much first :/

Im done with my 1st post of the day, shall blog again at night when i gets home, heh. Okay, bye!

I am really moving on with my own life, Ayun.

The scars that reminds me that the past is real.

2010-03-08T22:28:00.000+08:00

Hello, short post for tonight aite. Took 961 home just now, was sleeping all the way, lol. Then took Lrt back. Bumped into Arian inside Lrt, so we walked to my block. Chatted with him, then i went home.

Reached home, bath, online. Fadhila called, talk to her. Farris chatted with me, and damn he make me laugh alone again, lol. So im heading to Amk ITE for Farris's assignment. Haha, heard from Farris that Amk ITE have alot of hot guys, fuh! Mcm best gitu eh, suke suke!!!! Haha wtf jk ;P

So tomorrow is Tuesday, schooling day. Damn, but nevermind, it will not affect me! :D So having lunch with Aslina tomorrow!!! Yay can't wait, got so so so so much things to tell her! :D

So yes, i am disappointed with someone, and i miss someone so much, someone can actually choose to "don't want to layan" my text message, someone who don't mind losing me as a bestfriend. Yes all you guys can say is : Forget sua. Uh-uh, that's what i am doing, i guess im starting to take things not so seriously already! Its a good thing, heh.

To someone: We will talk when we both really cooled down okay, was happy that we didn't fought just now, so yeah, see you when you are online. Takecare okay Friend.

So yes, i got confidence tomorrow will be the first day of school that i will be no affected by you!!! Woohah, i don't know why am i so happy, lol wtf. Okay la, bye amazing people!!

;Mua!! ^-^

Queen of yesterday

2010-03-08T15:59:00.002+08:00

Currently at office now, hearing my blogsongs, texting with Wenhui & Calvin. Been yawning for the past 1 hour, damn shag z.z Lol i know i am such a lazy pig, what2do.

So i went to bed at 1am last night, been thinking about alot of stuffs, damn shag i tell you lol.

Had a very very weird dream, a titanic occured in my rice (LOL I KNOW I KNOW, SO DAMN STUPID) And i am in the plate of rice, there's water rushing in and everyone is dead!!! And then he texted me, asking me to meet him if i loves him. So i went (and yes, im out of the rice plate lol) Met him and Syazwan (giant) and we had a talk. He apparently told me that he was attached to Syazwan and i was like "so? do i care? i came cause you want me to. cb" So after that he send me home although i yelled at him to not send me, but he insisted. Reached home, wanted to eat rice. Looking at the rice plate, there's titanic going on and i ate it up. Silly dream i know lol.

So i woke up at 7am, bath, went out at 7.35am. Took 961, lunched at ABC. 1 and 1/2 hour to go!! :P

Okay im done. Tomorrow's tuesday, wtfcb. I HATE TUESDAY.

Hatred in me.

2010-03-07T21:52:00.001+08:00

Okay hello! I love the photo that i've posted today, heh. It was taken by Fana using her new phone like of course! :) So yup, today was a fun day, although i got pissed with some people. :/

So yup, headed out to Lot1 to meet Fana at 12pm. When i was at Phoenix station, she texted me asking where am i. Padahal she on the same train as me, haha! So, we talked and alighted at Cck. And then we headed to Kfc to have my breakfast/lunch taken :)

Then we headed to CottonOn, then go Guardian. Then to block i-d-k to lepak. Then changed my nail colour from Pink to Silver Glitter :P I loike my nails, hehehe! Then we lepak till 3+, headed to CottonOn again, lol.

Then to Mac, met cousins, withdraw money, cabbed to Woodlands. Reach already, then left with Mom and brother. Home, online. Ate dinner, bath :)

That's how i spend my sunday, its pretty boring but i had fun somehow, i got no idea why. Anyway i wanna say thanks to those 10 person who "liked" my picture on facebook, heh i like you all too, lmao :P

So tomorrow is Monday, working day!!! I wanna buy a iTouch by myself, i don't careeeee. Anyway, Fana said she will be online at 8pm to send me those pictures, time now is 9.20pm and she isn't online. Damn, she cheat me :-( Haiz, takpe, dh biase la tu, matair 1st place kan, hahahahahahah! Tak la, joking! :P

Sooooooooo yeah, today something really cute but hurtful (to my bro) accident happened when we left Woodlands. Im pretty lazy to blog about it la, haha so yeah, till here aye.

Currently msning with Harith & Michelle. Texting with Fadhila :] So yup, bye!

& i am starting to dislike you, damn. Everything just came back to my mind with this problem occured. Because what happened during the month of november 2009 is in my mind now, look back on your blogger's archives alright.

You even indicated that you have plenty of photos with your boyfriend while me and hazmi doesn't even have 5 pictures. You posted "The Usuals" photo without me in it and you said "This is original, no extra like You".

You spoilt the month of November, the month of my birthday, you somehow broke me and Hazmi up due to the phrase you posted on your blog, you make me feel so down, i was so disappointed in you. And thanks to you, i lost my great friends from The Usuals, i deleted them from Msn, i had such a hard time adapting to moments which make me think of you guys.

How selfish can you be my dear? I have enough, i think this hatred in me will be staying with me till i am ready to let go all the hatred in me. So yeah, like what people say, Life is unfair. You are going through what i am, karma is what i call it.

Hate me? Up to you, im sorry but the memories i had during November 2009 is back. Takecare!

Chalo.

Scars happens when i let my heart open.

2010-03-07T11:45:00.002+08:00

Hello readers, short post alright, because im going to Lot1 to meet Fana Haronkia. Hahaha, wtf i can't stop laughing at the "Haronkia". Lmao much. :/

So yeah, today's plan will be going to Woodlands St 16 to have some buffet thingy, and prolly head home after that. I think im going to open a blogshop cause i am going to clear my wardrobe soon!

Woootz, can't wait to move out!! Damn its monday tomorrow? God, meh :(

Okay la, i love my blogsongs so much!! Nyhaha, rock \m/

Chalo! Tag me okay!! ^^

The wait is over, its your turn soon.

2010-03-06T20:30:00.004+08:00

So hello readers! Shall start blogging, and anyway im starting to listen to rock songs. Haha my blogsongs are all changed to rock songs, damn cool kan. I am not a rock song fan anyway, but i somehow love this band, i got no idea why too.

So today after work, headed to Vivo alone, and there's really a Tangs inside!!! Damn, lol. Okay its inside story, i shall not talk about that :D So headed to Forever21. Bought a headband there, and headed to Outram Park to meet Mom & Brother.

Reached there, i was at the newest mrt station and not the old one. Damn and i was quarrelling on the phone with my brother and mom over where are we. Lol i swear, i look like a fool. Haha wtf, i fail being a singaporean, i admit okie. :)

So met them at Taxi stand, went to People's Park Complex. Then left for Amk. Chose tiles for our new house's kitchen's floor. Excited about moving into a new house, hek! :P Im so happy!!!! :) Can't wait to move, i hate block 128, the block with the most painful memories, so yeah, i hope block 215 will be better lah, hehe. :-)

So after Amk, headed to Bpp. Had Sushi for dinner, then headed home. 15 minutes later went to Opp Ten Mile to fetch Milo from his grooming session. Met Michelle, Farris & Alson there! So Michelle went in with me to fetch Milo :]

So yup, after that headed home, bath. Online! Going out later again with both brothers and mom to have supper. DAMN I SWEAR, IM GROWING FATTER. DIE ALREADY. 45Kg...... Cmi :(

Nehmind, i can do it, give me 1 years time, i aim to be 50kg at the age of 17. Standing at 160cm. Im 55kg, fucking fat i know, nbcb, lol.

So i was chatting with Nelson like (????) lol. Okay i am lame, on msn with Fana & Harith. Okay la, im done!! Byeeeeee.

Anw, heading to Cityhall tomorrow then to Woodlands. Okay, cool.

Chalo~

Black beads with black thread.

2010-03-06T09:16:00.002+08:00

Okay, that's a picture of me and Idah ^^ We call each other love, damn cute i know. Hahaha :P

So yesterday i didn't came online cause i was tired and excited to change my phone. Hwakhwak :P Shall talk about the party that i attended last night at WCP aite.

I went to Amk to meet up with Haronkia. Had lunch at Macdonald's, then off to CottonOn. Bought 1 top, 2 shorts. Bought beads from Rubi. I swear, i spend money like how i drink water. :/ Damn. So after that we mrt to Cck.

Fana took 190 while i cabbed down to WCP. Reached there, apparently there's nobody but only Yuyee who is waiting there. So i joined her, and then more came after that. Finally Xiuling came and she gave me a hug! Lol, so after that i joined them at the pit.

Didn't talked much, cause i was pretty shy with new people, heh. But managed to know some people, like Yuyee, Ricardo, Nisha and i forgot already, lolwtf :( My bad.

Pictures was taken, its with Aida, so after singing birthday cake, photo takings, i left. Took picture, hug with Aida and off to meet Mom. Had Mac.

Went home, bath, changed phone!! Texted with Fadhila and also called her. ;) Slept at 2am and tada, this is how i spend my friday. I think its great, heh.

So today im working, till 1230pm. Might be going town for lunch with Idahlove or Adik Danial aka Muke Masai :P

So if im not going, i will be going home and spend the rest of the day at home! Tomorrow shall hit Cityhall for drama session with Shehnaz baby!!!

Okay, astalavista readers! :)

FUCKYEAHAPPINESS

2010-03-05T10:18:00.003+08:00

Today is friday!! Im so happy, lol. Have been laughing in the office since just now, im starting to love working already ^_^ Anddddd, my bus broke down just now, luckily i wasn't late. Haha.

Because of this incident, is the reason why we laughed the most. Lolmao~

Shalini, Venu, Yingnan & Slevie is talking. Mr Lim comes..

Mr Lim: You have a copy?
Me: *look at him and didnt say anything*
Shalini, Venu, Yingnan & Slevie; *ignores Mr Lim*
Mr Lim: Oh don't have ah, okay nevermind.
Me: *Burst out laughing after Mr Lim left*

He is like talking to himself and he answer himself. Lol wtf, all of us laughed after he left lol. Damn, funny boss lolololol :P

So im heading to Aida's party later on :] Gotta shop with Fana before going there.

Oh yah, i'm moving on!!! :D 10 more days to mom's birthday, idk what to buy for her. She got herself a fb account, so i must be caution with my updates etc already, lol!

Okay la, will update tomorrow i guess? Heading town tomorrow with Adik!!! The muke masai one, lololol :P Yay! And going to Cass's crib on sunday for buffet! OH AND DRAMA SESSION TOO!! WOOHOO.

COOOOLIO. YAY I LOVE MY ACTIVITES LOL WTF I AM SO LAME.

I miss hugs from you, terribly.

2010-03-04T21:15:00.002+08:00

Hello, 2nd post. Im face with a problem with myself. Argh, having a headache now, i think i am falling sick. Damn. Okay being sick is a good thing too, i've been unwell for like 3 weeks already? Haha great right..? :D

So im working tomorrow, suppose to head to Aida's party but Elysa couldn't make it so im not going either. Shall spend the time roaming around Orchard. Real upset, really but i really want to let go. This feeling sucks hell lottttttttt.

Well, i didn't had my breakfast/dinner today but only Lunch. Not hungry at all, i guess the habit is back to me, which is "i-love-to-skip-meals" habit. Haha i bet im going to slim down again.

Okay, question to myself:

ARE.YOU.READY.TO.MOVE.ON.FROM.AYUN?
fuck.no

Ain't nobody can take over you.

2010-03-04T11:49:00.002+08:00

Okay dokey, at work now. Just had lunch with Selvie, KK & Venu at JTC :D Talked to them about my unhappiness at work and i end up laughing with them. Mhmm, i think i talk to them the most in office, roflmao. -__-

So yeah, I am having the urge of quiting Traineeship. But come to think of it, i will face quite a number of problems if i were to quit, damn. But i hate working. Gah, don't like this topic :/

So im currently still updating the reports, fucking bitch pushed everything to me, im super angry, -,-"

Anyway i love my blogsongs, haha k bye.

You have no idea how hard is it for me since 7th January 2010.

Damn, there is a quote saying "if you were to come back, you will be mine forever. "

But when you came back, you lured me to ask for break up.

But even though i asked for a break up, i don't know why am i still loving you.

And you don't seem happier after breaking up, you don't even have a girlfriend.

Damn, can i face the fact? Which is you don't love me

Someone make me happy, thanks. Kbai.

Even flower withers, same goes to our love.

2010-03-03T21:27:00.003+08:00

Okay hello second post. Im working tomorrow like yay, i got no idea why do i miss working, silly me :/ Haha, well i miss working, for no reason. Haha, damn what 2 wear tomorrow....

So today was a boring day eh, stay at home, do nothing.... I prefer working, stupid me. Lol, Fadhila's mom invited me to head to Kl and have a 2 days 1 night holiday with them. Excited much, i got no idea whether will my daddy allow, cause he is very protective. But i hope i can la, cause i wanna meet them and esp Hassan :P

Shall bring this up to my Daddy soon, insyallah i can go. ^.^

So mom ordered Pizza Hut!!! Yayyyy, but pizza hut make me think of his brother -,-" Definately not so suey that i will bump into him la right? Hahaha, yeah, okay whatever.

So im going to a drama class on sunday at Claire's company. Cool yeah!! I hope i can see Angmoh there, nyheheheh :P

Woooots, my life is gettin more and more interesting as time pass by!!! Hehe, gotta call Fadhila now, hehe bai readers.

Oh ya, leave a tag before you leaves alright? Hehe, kthxbai. :*

In my heart, you are the sweetest yet heartless man.

2010-03-03T13:16:00.002+08:00

Hi earthlings. I didn't went for work today, had some issues and i was unwell. The backbone problem is back again, i hope its still under control if not i have to go for operation to make it straight, cause its crooked. Yes i have a crooked backbone. :/

So im going to stay at home and sit straight all the way. Haha fake, i not so semagat eh! Hazmi use to do this to me "Pat hardly on my back" SIT STRAIGHT!!" Damn i miss him already, haha stupid ex boyfriend! Where you'd go? i miss you so... HAHAHA wtf. I am crazy already.

So i had a dream last night, i dreamt that i was walking alone at town. I walked past a very very very very fat woman, and then there's this one guy behind her came towards me and hugged me. And he molested me, he touched me from up to down. All i did was to shout "Mummy!!!" and "A**n!!!!!!!!!!" I swear, its a nightmare sia, nabehtengteng. And guess who came to my rescue? Haha, actually i forgot who is it, but roughly is some passerby, cause Mummy & A**n ignored me. Veli sad hor. :-(

So i swear, its the worse dream. How can Mummy ignore me, wahpiang :-( Lmao, i swear if i were to tell her my dream, i think she will say im crazy. Lmao! So yeah, whatever. Last night i was on the phone with Fadhila till i fell asleep. Wtf, sorry eh Fadhila. HAHAHA. And this convo between me and her is god damn fucking funny, gonna let you guys know.

Me: Yeah, and i cried on Saturday night..
Fadhila: *in a serious and sad way* Why?
Me: Cause i was watching Titanic, Jack died infront of Rose.
Fadhila: *BURST OUT LAUGHING* What the fuck, i thought what thing sia!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA WTF, LOL! Damn i miss her laughter to much, so so so much!!! She bought me something from Tioman Island, chey, touched lah eh. Haha, i know you will laugh at this. Hek :P

So yup, we talked for 1 and 1/2 hour and we hung up cause im very very sleepy already, sorry baby! So yup, im done with my 1st post, shall go and play games on the net already, maybe habbohotel.com.sg. Tak la, fake!! :P

Thought of meeting up all the sisters on next saturday at town, i miss those days when i hang out with chinese people, haha wtf i sound like a racist. Okay whatever. So tomorrow is Thursday, then Friday!! Its Esther's sist birthday tomorrow! Then its XiulingAida & Elysa Ciner's birthday!

Mhmm cool, i can't wait for Aida's party cause its been a long time since i went to a party, yeah my life is dull ever since January started :/ Haha, gotta make a change about it!

So yeah, i cried this morning, damn fucking stupid i know. I feel so stress about everything suddenly, daaaaaaaaaamn. But luckily Sera, Emma & Fana know how i feel, seriously, although we are apart eh, we are still all in one i know. Not forgetting Fadhila too eh, Bohsia ftw. ;D

I miss Bohsia/FESEF now. Yes, 5 of us. Fadhila, Emma, Sera, Emily, Fana. Jom, jumpe soon, and make sure Fadhila is back la. Hehe!!

I just want to focus on my work and studies now. Not anything else, and that includes you of couse, im so sick and tired of crying already. I always hurt my friends whenever i cries, and i don't want them to be hurt. So yeah, i will be a happy Emily Amelia from now on. Insyallah i can do it!

Can't wait to move out of this fucking block, i hate this block!!
Can't wait to save money and get my phone changed!!

And im not going Thailand already, takde mood pun. So i will be staying in Singapore while the whole family goes to Thailand. :-(

Okay will update at night, bye!

When you start to neglect, we start to get apart.

2010-03-02T21:43:00.004+08:00

Okay hello. So today's day is tuesday. Horoscope books always always says that Tuesday is a lucky day for all scorpions. I wish i can fuck that fact cause its so untrue, damn. I am starting to despise tuesday cause i am always sad and heartbroken on every tuesday without failed. Argh, gotta get over this as soon as possible, its killing me and making the people around me fed up :C

So i woke up at 7am and the 1st thing i did was to call Viv up. And like what i expected, she didn't picked up. So 2nd thing i thought was "gotta drag the time till 8am then i head out so that i won't start the day badly." So i dragged myself to the toilet, and bathed. After that, prepared and head out at 7.30 afterall, wtf. -__-

So i took the 2nd 963, reach bustop, met Syifa, Zirah & Idah opposite. Walk in, went to Mrs Lum's lesson, supar boring.. Had test in B6/204. Didn't know where is it till Elysa & Aizat Mok told me, hahaha damn noob. And check check, there's our CS classroom, wtfuck. Hahaha, dumb shit! But thanks Elysa & Aizat Mok anyway!! :-)

So went in, had test taken. It was okok je la, was stucked somewhere cause i don't know what is repetition, closed end question etc etc. So i tikum tikum la! :P I want to pass, but i never study. HAHA what crap sia, lol. So after test, had 1 hour of CS. Then had 1 hour break at Canteen. Damn, and when its about 1pm, i got so bloody scared and i started to tremble. Lol i swear, im like a fool.

So Nazirul came and we talked for awhile. After that they teman me to The Essentials and i walk to the gate myself, Dayah wanted to teman, but i ask her not to, hahaha mcm leceh sia me. Lol! So i walked so fast after salam them, took 963 and felt better. But when the bus passed school, i saw again. Wtf. I thought i won't see today but i did, nabehtengteng.

So i was texting with Elysa when i was on my way to Bpp. Met Shehnaz and had lunch at Kfc. Then catch up, she was pissed G.G Haha laughs, so after that we cabbed to school. Reached school, headed to Ava! Claire and co was greeting us from the top and we were to excited that we ran up, rofl. Hugged Claire! Went in, played games. Zip Zac Boin is so not my game, i almost lost cause apparently everyone is aiming me, damn. Hah, but i don't mind as its only a game :]

So we played the other game but i forgot the name, haha! So we played and played, i forgotten all my sad stuffs, so powerful kan!!!! Told ya, i love drama practices alot! :D :D Hehe, so we took photos, we got to act too!! I miss acting! And Mdm Sal took over Drama and i was kinda envious eh. Cause she is so into it and i feel that those drama students are super lucky, unlike us, we have to plan ourselves eh..... Lol.

So it ended around 5.30pm, walk home with Amira, Farid, Shehnaz and 1 sec one kiddo :D Had so much fun laughing, argh i miss school :-(

I met alot of familiar faces, including my dearest one and only adik aka the stupid-est-always-masai-face zul daniel. He took my bangles and he hit me also. Somemore can complain my bangles small, he is trying to say that my wrist is small, wtf! Bloooooody hell, but takpe. I will revenge one day, just you see stupid!!!! HAHAHHA. No la, love ya adik :P

I met Shikin, Afiqah, Yanna, Shakir, Inia, Michelle, Shaqdah etc etc. Real happy, hugged Chartel, Sam and more. So home, watch tv with brothers, bath. Online!

So my right eye hurts so much now, damn. I don't feel like going for work tomorrow, gah so merepek. If my eye still hurts, im going to see doctor already, fuck got tears come out by itself already leh! D:

Okay la, im on msn with my stupid muke masai adik. Anyway today he make me laugh so much, sucha idiot adik i have, damn. Im going to kill him one day for calling me idiot lol.

I may be sad, i may have not moved on 100%, trust me, i won't cry so easily. I'll bottle it up and cry it out one day at one shot. And prolly, i'll see a better guy coming towards me, handing me the tissue and give me a hug without saying anything and just stay with me till i leaves.

Gotta show you all something, here you go.

Look like who? Ah yes you got it right, the one who sang "One Time" with his friends. Ah ye la, A*** :D

Adik just say my bangles is spoilt and he threw it away, nabeh cb. LOL!!! But he end up saying "no la fake!" damn shit sia, he asshole siaaaaaaaaa. I nk hantam him already!!!!! HAHAHAHA! no la fake!! :P Adik. tag tau.. If not........ :D :D :D HEK HEK HEK.

K la bye!! Gotta call Mak Nonok now. LOL idk why i like to call her Mak Nonok. HAHAHAHAHAHHA BYE!!

Bye.

Hi, i am very happy.

2010-03-01T21:16:00.002+08:00

Okay, on msn with Xiuling Aida now ;) So i was chatting with Meimeikia just now and damn, he make me laugh like one crazy girl. Haha, i asked him to intro me guys, and he intro-ed those weirdos, and he actually intoduced Bob that babi. AHAHAHAHAHA. Okok, im joking only okay Bob :P Da lamer tak kacau you sia, haha! :D

So maybe friday going to lepak with them, hehe can't wait eh, seriously, i miss them alot! Miss those days when we always lepak. Gummy, Me, Ayun, Ilham, Zul. Damn, lol. Okay whatever~

So tomorrow's school, i hate that school but i wanna go to school. Haha figure it out yourself, beheheheh! Okay, i must stay strong, cause i have friend's support! Hek.

So i forgotten about what to blog about cause i kept laughing while im on msn with Aida. HAHAHA, DAMN! LOLOLOLMAO!!

She's gonna whack me till i fart after her birthday, lmao.
Imma teach her how to fart soon, rofl! (inside joke)
Okay her party is on this friday, gonna head down to her party with Elysa Ciner ;)

Yay i can't wait for tomorrow, shall go offline soon cause i've yet studied for tomorrow's common test, damn.

Okay bye.

Damn, he is so kute.

2010-03-01T15:48:00.004+08:00

Well, first thing first, i wanna say happy birthday to Joan Mama, Tina Darling & Justin Bieber. Okay, as if Justin will read this, haha lol mcm fhm -__-

Okay, today i went to work, took 961. Sat beside a fucking cute chinese guy, omg..... He is fucking cute. His eyes is so.. speechless man, so nice! But he alighted 2 stops before me, sad eh, but before he alighted he looked at me, aww damn, lolz. It somehow made my day and i loike. :D

So he definately made my day, week, month!! :D :D Okay, abit huachi now + shiok sendiri, hah sorry eh :/

Kinda bored. Recieved a very very very very very good piece of news from Emmabel bby. I am absolutely happy for her. Hehe. Lucky you Emma, hold on tight. Okie? Love you.

So i called Sera today and she admitted that she was the "Harith" on ma tagbox, gotcha! HAHAHAHAHA. I had fun talking with her on the phone cause she kept making me laugh wtf.
So yeah, we hung up when clock stricked 1pm, which means Lunch time is over. Boooo :-(

So i headed back to my desk, work is done, went on to tumblr and facebook. Talked to some angmoh and i find angmoh very friendly, seriously. I was very gatal with my fav tumbleblog owner.

I told him 'Hey, i love you <3' And guess what he replied?! He said 'Hey i love you too' Fuh, mcm best eh? Hahahahah! Wtf, gatal is fun but yet i feel guilty, idk why :/

Fahmi left for London without telling me, stupid sayang. Hahah i hope he will pass his exams and come back soon. ^-^ Ok, i was on Engrishfunny and it entertained me somehow, haha!

So tomorrow is tuesday, damn. Class test ; Effective Communication. IDK WHAT IS THAT SIA 0_O IM DEAD FOR SURE LOL. Mdm seetoh even texted me and she even indicated that whoever skips it, will get something from her, lolmao. She's being sacarstic eh, wtf. Yes i admit i like to skip lessons ever since im in ITE. BAHAHAHAHA :P

And tomorrow cannot skip 1st lesson cause got test, fuck -_- Fail for sure, cmi. Cannot skip = cannot wake up late = have to take early bus = might see him. FUCK MY LIFE. Nevermind, i can get through this ^-^

Andand, i wanna go back cdss tomorrow, but Viv don't want to skip, can't possibly leave her there... Mhmm how. Sucks sia this situation :-( Die dah kene sound by her boss for absenting herself too often, i hope i won't get sound from mr r :p

So yesterday i headed to Town alone, walk to ION and met up with Cousins. So went to Watashi to have dinner settled there, food there is sedap 2themax, should try!! Heh. I bought BB cream and damn, its so nice. 16$, worth it okie :D And i bought a "Bestfriends" necklace from Diva. Gave Yeeru the 'Best' while i took the 'friends'. Mhmm ^^

Bus back home, both idiots (Yr & Ys) kept singing One Time - Justin Bieber. They did it on purpose to make me think of Ayun. Damn you 2, sucker!!!! HAHAHA.

So i can't wait for Friday, heading to Xuiling Aida's partay with Elysa and her friends! Can't wait to meet new friends, hah. Okay la, chalo! ;D

Brand new start

2010-02-28T16:29:00.000+08:00

well hi. my picture so chio right. hahha (shiok sendiri sia) okok whatever. so im going to town after posting, yes going town alone. hell yeah, cool kepeeeeee. meeting cousins there, bahahaha.

ok la, today i rot at home, sibeh sian. going out alrdy, so hey-pee!! buai. anw what should i wear, mhmmmmmmmmmm. kkk i know liao, chalo!!!

I love my post picture! ;woots

2010-02-27T18:04:00.004+08:00

Hello readers!! Okay, today went well i guess? I've really made decisions for my life. I've deleted him from my msn list (Y) and i will add him back when i've already 1000000000000000% moved on from him ^^ Hehe wise choice kan3? :D

So last night i was crying myself to sleep, but my tears are reluctant to come out, stupid. Lol, so i went to sleep without charging my cell!!! $@^*$# Suay to the max, seriously -_- So i woke up at 7.30am upon Hannah's text.

Bath, went out. Mrt to Sembawang, waited for Hannah at Macdonald's. So met her already, bought meal. Didn't wanted to eat, but. I ate afterall, in case Hannah nags eh. :/ Haha! So i ate, we sat outside. Then told her every single thing. Then she was kinda pissed with me being so stupid. But what2do, this is life, its over :-)

So after meeting her, headed to Sasa! ^-^ Bought a Elle Lipgloss with her, nyhehe. Chio sia! Sweet too <: Then we went to toilet, and wtf, Sunplaza's toilet stink to the max. -_- Then we went to sit outside then Fiona came :)

Met Fiona, went to wait for Taxi with both of them, then Hannah board the cab already, me and Fiona headed to Fiona's crib. Waited for her to bath and we headed to Town. And omg, her dad is v v v v v v v v young!!! ._.

So took Mrt there, got this 2 angmoh damn man, lol wtfz. -.- Then we alighted, headed to Paragon. Reach there, stone. Look at the place where the fair is use to be at, walked past the Burberry shop. Went to basement and sat down, talked to Fiona. Cried too. But i didn't let tears dropped, cause if it drops, dead. I won't stop.

So after that, headed to Takashimaya. Headed to Level2, don't ask why too. That level holds memories too. Wanted to say hi to someone, but someone wasn't there, its okay, i know its fate to not let me bump into her, if not she will bombard me with questions i guess? :/ (Fana & Fiona knows who's working at Taka) ^^

Then we went off to Far East, had lunch. Then stayed till about 4+ and off we took bus and left. Mom told me something that really made me damn happy, kwakwakwa! :P Took 190 back, on the trip back, really think alot, till im so tired of it.

Im really going to move on, and yes i know i will suceed :D
From today onwards, if i were to bump into you, i want myself to be unaffected.
From today onwards, i will be ignoring all the texts/calls from guys. Call me selfish or what, blame it on my past. Im so afraid of falling in love now. :/
I must not cry for any guy from tonight onwards ^^v

Want to thanks Hannah Sweetaye Chic & Fiona Akl, seriously without both of you, i think i'll collapse today and probably faint. Lol jk. I am seriously so lucky to have both of you with me. Thanks for listening and helping me to really sort it out and move on from everything.

Hannah, thanks for waking up early in the morning and cab to Sunplaza for me. Thanks so much, i appreciate it alot. Seriously, a-l-o-t! I know i look very sulky, but i managed to smile before you left. Thanks so much, meet up soon again. And all the secrets between us shall be kept, tightly! Love you 2themax, ;mua! :-*

Fiona, thanks so much my dear, you have been with me since i knew you. We started talking like we've knew each other for like years, which is to unbelievable. I know you are tired from the event but you didn't complained. Im so sorry to trouble you, but i know you really want me to be alright so you came. Thanks so much Akl. I know i almost cried infront of you, argh. So sorry, and i will be alright. :) Meet up soon with your guailan boyfriend aka Nelson Chua okie? ^^

Im done, and most importantly, thank you lad, you made me stronger. Thanks to all those who made the effort to comfort me esp my Sissy Cho. Thanks so much, and thanks Hady for calling me to make sure im okay. And to you too, Rizal Snuffle :D

Astalavista! :D

My love.

2010-02-26T23:43:00.002+08:00

Okay, after this post, i guess it will be a sad post ahead. So just 15 minutes before 27th Febuary arrives. I know its really time for me to let go if everything goes as what i expects. We stays near each other, we goes to the same school, we may bump into each other on every tuesdays. You are on my screensaver.

I don't know how to remove/avoid it. The love in me for you is still there, but one day, i'm going get it remove no matter what, even if i have to hurt myself. I always have the urge of texting you, giving you a hug whenever i sees you, but its impossible.

I broke up with you because of your changes, the way you treat me. Not because i found another guy during our time-out. When i broke up with you, i have to act strong, i never even shed a tear infront of anybody. I am really acting strong at the point of time. You apologised, you said you don't deserve my forgiveness.

Who will not forgive the one who they loves the most? Nobody. I always forgave you for what you do, i never bear grudge towards you in me. Right now, i can see that you have already moved on, cause you didn't replied my text message since this morning.

10 more minutes to go. So tomorrow, i really expect myself to expect what i expects and not what is unexpected. Like you know me, i always think negative, i don't think positive. Cause my positive is You, not me. I have low confidence in myself, my life, my everything.

Im not clingy for sure, im just sticking to one. I can't believe that i want you back after everything we've been through. Look at this, i want you back. I guess, its impossible. But i know there's a glimpse of hope, as long as 28th Febuary ain't here yet.

I sayang you alot, i've made the first move. I didn't let the ego in me bring me down, i know its so unusual for a girl to want a guy back in her life. But if its for the one whom i love its worth it. But if you didn't managed to read this post, at least i've tried. And i will learn my lesson.

7 more minutes, and im absoluetly done with this post. Takecare Ayun. I love you much! :-*

Jangan Menyarah

2010-02-26T21:07:00.004+08:00

I know i've posted this picture before, but it doesn't kill to post it again right? Had headache again today, its been 1 week since this headache is with me, so unbearable -_-

So had Kfc with Selvie, Kk & Venu @ Central. After that went back to office, not much work to do, so i was tumblr-ing all the way, secretly of course. So Mr Rick summon me to his office and Selvie & Yingnan gave me a "Shit!" look. I wasn't really worried, so i went in, he asked about how's work, school etc etc.

And he said i can apply leave anytime i want cause i'm suppose to have holidays! Hahaha good thing!! ^-^ Happy happy me~ But he became somehow sacarstic when he talked about my late-coming topic zzz. He said he will buy me a clock, wtf. -_- Muke die mcm nk sepak sia!!!!!! Hahahah wtf!

So till 6pm, went home by 961. Took a very laoyah bus, but got space ah, so takpe. I fell asleep till 2 old man started shouting to the driver, forced the driver to just drive forward in the middle of the jam. I think both of them are sick, but i was amazed with the driver's attitude, he didn't shout back and he even said sorry! Cool eh, i loike. ^_^ (Y)

But very lembat eh, took me 2 hours to get from Red Hill - Bukit Panjang. Was very tired, didn't had the mood to even go home although im tired. Wanted to sit down under the void deck of my block's, but i was afraid that i will think of the past so i went home.

My dog came and greeted me, but it was limping while its on its way to me and greet me. My heart ache when it was limping. I hope it gets well soon, lemme show you'all my dog, damn cute! ^_^

I hope it gets well soon! :-)

-

Today i was looking thru all the 825 messages that you've send me. From the day that i waited for Hazmi at 12th floor till last week. I cried when i saw those messages. I just couldn't believe that we are no longer couples, i can no longer spend time with you. I have no more goodnights messages. When i saw "Nk stead???hehe" i seriously cried, my heart aches, and everything came back at 1 shot.

Heading to Paragon tomorrow alone, ok cool. Its time to really let go. I've made the first move, its up to you to make the second move anot. Please, i hope i can really get what i want, you have got till tomorrow when i leaves Paragon.

May god please bless me the strengths that i'd need.

For the last time, Ayun I Love You.

Its still you whom i'm loving.

2010-02-26T11:29:00.004+08:00

there's always that one person, no matter how long its been or how badly they've treat you, if they say they love you, you'll say it back.

Tomorrow is the day, i am not ready.................

We use to be talking on the phone till we are tired.

2010-02-25T21:11:00.002+08:00

So hi everyone, i've deleted my 2 previous post as i think its very disturbing, haha okay i know i am very lame. So shall start posting alrightz. :-)

Woke up at 7am, bath, went out. Took Lrt, saw A crossing the road. Took the 2nd 961 as it was full. So 2 963 passed, recieved a text from Eileen saying that she saw me, haha how cute. :-)

So went to work, i was early, i reached 15 minutes before 9am, so rare. :/ So did usual work etc, lunch at Central. Then went home at 6pm. Super shag.

Took 961, stupid china noobs from hwachong doesn't know how to stand properly in the bus, i think they are around 19+ and they are still acting like as tho they are 12 year old. I got pissed off and i made a very loud "tsk" and they kept quiet. If not never ending sia, -__-

So reach home, Justin & Aiyin were at our house, so chat a lil, bath, online. Changed my name to Emily Amelia instead of Emily iEmz. Hahaha, mcm cool eh? Idah love changed it for me, ^^v.

Was very down just now, i've made a very harsh decision, never thought that i will do it or even think of it. Fadhila has instructed me not to make any harsh decisions when she is away, but i don't know why am i so stubborn.

Kinda pissed with guys nowadays, i don't know what to do, malas nk layan lagi, please give me a break. Please!

Im heading to Paragon this saturday. The place where i spend most of my holiday at, peeking at boyfriend while he is serving customers, pick him up for work, teman him for ciggy breaks, talk to him when he is bored. Of course there's bad memories there, but the good memories wins.

I want to put everything behind, i want to let out all my unhappiness, i want to cry all it out. Hannah is going with me, i hope i can really cry my heart out..

I really love you alot Ayun, but i know, you are attached, im stupid to break with you, i admit i do want you back, i know you are single, i know everything. Perhaps, you just don't want to take me back and you don't know how to say it so you just said you are attached as an excuse. I know im not good enough for you, i know very well. All i can say is that i sayang you alot, want me to let go? It can be done, all i need is to just force myself.. I cannot make myself open my heart to anyone.

I am absolutely useless in this, im weak. I miss you & i love you alot.

All i can say is, you will regret.

2010-02-23T22:14:00.004+08:00

Hi everyone, im here for a second post. Had dinner with Viv at Clementi. Then reach home around 7+ Went online, chatted with Rena, Nelson, Ayun, Emma. Went to bath after that. Wante to break down but i failed -.-

So i went back online, chatted with Fadhila, Fieza, Nelson, Fiona, Lingsheng, Billy, Rena, Yanna & Farhan. Texting with Yihan at the same time, seriously, he make me laugh and angry at the same time, he kept calling me malay girl. Urgh -__- But nevermind, he managed to make me laugh although we both kept having conflict, scorpions mah. AHAHAHA.

So yeh, im only chatting with Fadhila, Huzaifah & Rena now. Was reading some horoscopes on some websites, its so true. I checked Leo, Sagitarius (i know i spell wrong, but who cares) & Scorpions. Its so freaking true, omg i was so amazed.

Im going offline soon, im working tomorrow :-( Today i was real upset since after lunch break, don't ask why, its the same old reason, fuck right, haiya. :-( What2do, my hart broke into 2pieces liaox. :-( Sad case, i cmi already loh. Nevermind, i assume, its only for every tuesday :]

So i've decided on something...... But i don't know whether am i serious about it. So yeh, whatev. Im going to call Fadhila later'on, gotta tell her everything. I seriously, need her!!

Im getting a iPod Touch with someone.. Nyahahahahha, yay!! Sweeeeet! I loiiiiiiike, thanks for making me smile nub, i know you won't read this so im going to write something, try your best and i'll really go for chinese okiez. :) Cause now my heart is still for... You know la.. :-(

Hahaha im done, omg idk why am i so happy for no reason suddenly, siao already. Im kinda disappointed with them, why must people change? Mhmm, everybody is changing~ lolmaoooo.

So today me and Fana didn't chatted at all, im most worried that she will change too. God please, don't allow that to happen, cause i got a feeling that both of us will drift apart. >: Anyway im going offline!

Sooooo kthxbai! Love you all, tag me alright!

And anyway, rena said : "cb don't know how to add laoniang uh" to me and i laughed. lol idk why i laugh also but i find it funny, okay whatever. Cb lol!!! I miss her anyway^^

The reason is you.

2010-02-23T13:41:00.002+08:00

So hi readers, i know i've not been updating for the past 3 days and my blog seems so dull kan? Okay so i shall start blogging now alright. Im in school now, mrs tan is not here which means 3 hours of free lessons. :)

So for the past 3 days i was at Fajar (almost for the whole 3 days). Function was okay, very tiring, falling sick very soon. Some liondance guys are real sick, nk mintk number pun paisey, alamakkkkk bapok la tu. Lmao, okay that guy somehow look like Assy. :) Shall not talk much about it alr la, anyway we celebrated Daddy's 37th birthday there :>

So today i woke up at 8.30am. I am already late for school, so i dragged my time, bathed, went out at 9am. (Hahaha) Texted Viv, we decided on skipping the first lesson, so i met her at Clementi, had breakfast @ KFC. Then we walk back school, just before 10 minutes lesson starts, we reached school.

Faris and co came and started asking where did we go during the 1st lesson, nyhahahah. So after a shortwhile, da lunch break. Went out with Aslina, Evan, Evan's friend & Viv. Had KFC again. Then we took 182 (?) back to school. While walking, was praying so hard that i won't see him cause i have the feeling that i will see him.

And tada, it didn't came true, i saw him. Was panicking and i immediately grabbed Viv's hand and i felt like crying. I ignored, i was trying so hard to ignore. Then Aidil called me and i failed, i looked at him and then i walk away. Then suddenly... Skip this alright...

Then walk in to find Faris and co, they saw my face and they asked what happened and they was kinda pissed off. Was texing with Noob and i was real upset. :-(

A female deserve respect more than a male does. You're definately not a male nor a female.
I don't know why do i love you so much. Thanks so much...

Im crying :'-(

Its something i do everyday, sulk.

2010-02-20T09:41:00.002+08:00

Hi readers, sorry for not posting last night as i reached home around 1am+. Shall talk about yesterday then. (Anyway i abandoned my work for blogging eh, haha i have to rush before mr r comes back to office :/)

Had half day leave, headed to SGH by cab. Met mom & dad there, then they left. I waited for Grandma's report at the A&E block for so many fucking hours. So Aunt came after that, went to have some snacks at Bangawan Solo. Had Mango Cake! ^^

Then went back again, fucking system. And this fucking ultra giant nurse actually ignored me when i call him sia, cb! Think i small kid can ignore ah? Cb, you guys gotta see this:

Me: Fuck the giant, i wanna see his name and report! (talks loudy to aunt)
Aunt: Who? (Laughs)
Me: The giant la, i ask him question, he diao me and walk away.

The giant heard and when he walk past me, he hid his nametag! Fuck youuuuuuuuuuu. I am very sure i will see you again, just you see giant. Mcm sial. _1_

So waited for Grandma's admission for about 3 hours. Shag to the max although i didn't do anything but sit. My buttock turned sore. LOL!! After that had dinner at foodcourt, then i cab down to Fajar.

Told the Uncle to reach asap and he drived as though im really rushing. Lol! Outram to Bpp = 14.20$. Cheap aye! But he drive very fast as tho im flying, lol scary much seriously... Hahahah! Reach already, went home with Mom, changed, went Fajar again.

Stay there till about 1am. Went home, washup, sleeeeeeep. Tired to the max.

Heading to Town later on with Fiona. Meeting her at 1.15pm ^^ I can't wait to see her again, and im gettin the bag from her, nyaha! Nelson, see this hor.... :D

Well i can't wait, gotta shop for Dad's present later'on at ION. Hope i won't buy anything already, i spend 100$ last week on clothings already... Damn. Lol!

I doubt im blogging for the next few days? Mhmm, just take note of my twitter updates la, and keep my tagbox alive yupppppp ^^

Chiaos!

I want to be with you like how i use to.

2010-02-18T23:01:00.002+08:00

So im currently kinda sad huh.... I'm still brooding over what Nelson said just now. Yes, if he hadn't talk about Hongster, i won't even think that i've actually got hong-ed by 2 guys in 6 months. How stupid am i......

Why am i always so stupid to fall so deeply with 1 person and decides to put my 100% into our relationship, always having the confidence that we will last till we dies. After breaking up, i'll cry, goes quiet for some days, stop smiling, and still you won't care. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?! O_O

So now im thinking of this, after this post i shall go and get to sleep, i don't want to fucking think of this, its so disturbing and saddening. I seriously hope all my ex boyfriends who hong me die or rot in hell. Fuck you idiots, may your balls rot and never have children. Or better still, be left widowed. Okay joking, im still friends with one of my ex, hahahahahahaha. Fuck the rest okay, cheebye. Talk big, you belong to the big world eh? Fuck eh, fuck you, fuck your motherrrrrrrr.

Told Nelson & Fiona what i did with Fadhila. And guess what, he don't wanna friend me siol!! Hahaha, he jitao say this...

Him: Don't talk to me anymore.

Me: Eh why sia....

Him: You do be4.

Me: Now never already la, wtf. Ex likethat la.... :(

Him: Ok lah...

Hahahaha, i can't believe i can still get along with him after our "breakup". But i prefer Fiona than him, he is a moron who like to bully me.. kor kor?! Hakpui, cus of my bag that's why i call you that de, if not FAT HOPE!!!! :p

And i'd like to say thanks to Akl for helping me to buy that bag from FEP! ^^ I love you Akl, thanks aye, meet soon alright! :D

Guys guys guys.. Why must you guys always hurt those girls who love you deeply, those who don't want you to leave unless they really asked you to.. Why is it that the condition 'Ladies First" is not applied on this situations?

What's wrong.... I do miss my ex, i really miss him alot. I cannot forget him, i don't know why. Fuck, just let him stay in my memories i guess, nobody can really take over him i reckon....

Im done. So sad nao. :(

I never told you that i kept all in my heart.

2010-02-18T21:39:00.002+08:00

Okay hello readers! I've made 2 animations out of so many-pictures that we took using Shakir's laptop. Well, to me i love this 2 the most, especially the one on the right, hahahahah. I know i look so fucking weird but i had fun, seriously. Lol!!

Today i went for work reluctantly, i off my alarm, and i continue to sleep, but i end up going for work la, but i feel so unhappy. I hate working zzz. So bath, went to take lrt and took 961. Luckily got empty seat, if not.... Cb i think i'll sleep by standing up (i can do it, lol)

Alighted, went to office. And i wasn't late, omg so surprising yeaaaaah \m/ So i didn't talked at all, very pissed off for no reason, i was having a bad backache and headache, felt like dying at that point of time, temperature was rising, but im lazy to go home so i decided to tolerate it. Chey, im strong. HAHAHAHA.

So during lunch time, didn't ate much, slept for the whole 1 hour, felt better after waking up. Wanted to watch Gossip girls but Selvie's iTouch no battery ): So i rot till 6pm. Took 961 home, trained to Cck. Met Fad & Aisha. Had KFC. :D :D

Then after eating, went home, wash up, online. Im going to sleep very soon, thank god, friday is here.... Hahahaha, but i still feel unhappy, i don't know why eh, uhmmz.

Stupid Nelson just call me (Hope he won't see this, if not he chiongong my bag) He demanded me to call him "Korkor" on the phone if not he will take my bag. Sad die me, i kanchiong like hell and he kept laughing. And he fucking call me Hongster. Cb, he then hongter lor, nabeh. Lol!! I tiongxim okay.. Wtf, bully me, si nelson, gnd....

Anyway Fiona Akl help me bought the bag i want already, yay thanks akl, love you muchz. :D

On msn with Lingsheng now, was on msn with Yimling & Ayun just now... :) I got no mood eh, i don't know why, i think im seriously falling sick.

I hope you know that i still cares for you, that's why im worried. But after recieving your response, i know, im wrong. Mhmm, my bad....

Chalo.

Giving up soon.

2010-02-18T11:34:00.001+08:00

Song playing : Taking Back My Love.
Msn with : Vivien Goh Ah Huan.

At office now, today i wore jeans, brown tanktop and a checkered button top. I am half sick, half healthy. Lol what is that? O_o Whutever, so tomorrow is friday. And i have to work on saturday too, fuck my life.

I don't want to continue traineeship already. 15 mins to go till lunch break, finally. Im giving up soon. Im dead tired from all these rubbishes.

I am a student, i don't wanna work but study. I want to have PE lessons, my friends with me. Office doesn't even have PE lessons. Let alone friends, fuck.

Argh fuck my life. Fuck you.

Right before my eyes, you appeared and shot me.

2010-02-17T20:30:00.003+08:00

Okay hello readers. Im here to post for today. I don't really have the mood to post anything but i will just post la.

Woke up at 8am, fuck headache. Zzzzzz. Bath, went out. Went to Yewtee, met Kamilah. Then met Fana and had Macodonald's. Then we slacked around there and met Fadhila. Went to Jelapang, had Kamilah's hair cutted. Then we went to Pending, then 184 to Cdss.

Reached gate, bomb Mr Gary's phone. Fucking security guard's attitude mcm cb!! So Mr Nasim let us in :p Saviour, lol he saved us from the hawt sun outside, he is still the best afterall! So went in, headed to Canteen first, omgay, i miss school canteen like hell.

The first thing i did was to sit at the usual bench where we always sat at. And i will turn to my left and found out that, everything is different now, i can no longer see those NT students seating on those benches anymore. Kinda sad huh, well its over. So when students are dismissed, more and more came. Met Shakir and co, passed my skirt to Kathie. Hope they can fit cause im fat, lolololomao :P

Then we went to General Office and get the certificate. Then went to find teachers, then met Ahmad & Rayyan! Then slacked in school for awhile and off to Bpp. Then went to Mac, find Shakir, Jenica & the super arrogant but hot Angelo. :] So had lunch settled there, had mcwings, and fyi, i've eaten MAC for the whole day today, wtf fucking fat sia :( Ah takpe la. Haha!

So back to topic, Fadhila left to meet her mom @ Novena. Angelo bounced back home, leaving me, jeni, shakir & fana. Headed to library, unable to connect to wireless so gave up and played with his webcam. Damn seriously, i kept laughing with jeni so much till that my tears came out. Hahaha, shakir will upload it tomorrow, hehe i hope he won't forget eh. :/

So headed back to Mac and left home around 7+pm. Walked home, bath, online. Today i met alot of familiar faces, shall name them out aye? :]

Shakir, Jeni, Izzuan, Michael, Rena, Michelle, Emmeline, Desmond, Sebastian, Ren An, Yimling, Jinhua, Fadluddin, Mazhab, Aini, Angelo, Yunru, Shikin, Adik Bammy, Fiq, Mustaqim, Fatullah, Justin, Kelly, Tina, Sakinah, Raihan, Ahmad, Azman, Aaron. Im sorry that i forgotten the rest, wtf. Blame it on my lousy memory eh.

Had a talk with Mrs Kalai, Mdm Teh, Mr Fadzil, Mr Lee, Mr Raj. I miss them teaching and nagging at me esp Mrs Kalai & Mdm Teh. Mhmm, i miss secondary school days life so much. ITE sure sucks hell much, esp traineeship. Fuck sial, i seriously hate the education systems now.

Ugrh, nevermind, i shall wait till July for the Cck ITE to be ready and then i'll be able have my own friends rather than to be with my class which is filled of fucking racist. Okay not racist, but some idiotic morons. Chinese girls VS Chinese girls eh. Fuck, im a chinese myself too and you fucking wanna be racist with me just because i hang out with malays? Fuck yourself bitch, you fucking kingkong, cb. -___- Every lesson wear the same outfit.... (inside joke lol)

And fuck, working tomorrow, hope i gets well tho, i don't want my fever to come back. Haiz. Well tomorrow is thursday, then friday. Time please travel quickly, i got enough of nonsenses already, i really need 2010 to end as soon as possible.

2009 was not a great year but it was nice enough cause im in cdss.

2010 sucks the most, i had a great start out by patching back with him. New school sucks hell lot, out of 4 weeks, i skipped 3 weeks's lessons. Cool huh, lessons are so boring seriously. Geez, all i have to do is just to tahan. :(

So yes, im done with my post. I want a boyfriend also leyyyyyyyy :(

& im on msn with Yimling & Irene right now. Mhmmm. I miss cdss alot..... I wanna go back soon, pleeeeeeze.

I can never get you to love me again.

2010-02-16T19:50:00.002+08:00

Okay proper post despite being in a very sad mood. But afterall, life goes on. And i know this wonderful stalker of mine are always reading my blog and Fieza's. And you know why i call her wondeful stalker? Is because that when i haven't even asked her to relink me, when i haven't even announced my link, she had already relinked me, how efficient aye? :]

Well well well, i am real proud to have You as my stalker, but get this into your head, my blog my say, not happy with what i posted? You have to either swallow everything up or just click the red button on the top right hand corner aye. I won't private my blog cause i know you want to read it. :)

So shall start with yesterday. Went to Ubi, then did some work then headed to Town with Yeeru. Far East was 90% closed, so we headed to ION and shopped. Only dropped by CottonOn, Zara & NeuLook. Then met Mama & Uncle. Went to Starbucks, had Cappucino then off to Charles & Keith. Safwan (the salesperson) served me and god, he is so cute! Haha suke eh, tak la! So bought a pair of heels from there, walked to Paragon, and memories came back. Okay skip this, then went to Heeren to have dinner.

After that went to Somerset 313, then trained to Clementi. Took 154 over to Hongleong. Met Dad & Mom there. Stayed there till around 11pm+ i think? Went home, wash up, played poker with Dad, Mom, Yongsheng, Yeeru & Eugene. Then washed movie and was texing with Yi han for the whole night, then off to sleep around 3am.

Woke up by Fad's call, then bath, watched tv. Went to Pending to meet her and Fana. Went to Jelapang, went to Mr Gary's crib. Chitchatted, got to carry Shanice (Mr Gary's youngest daughter) Then stayed till about 12.45pm, went to South view. Waited for Joshua, then headed to Tina's crib. Sayang Pepper, omg its so cute. Nyhaha, then off to Lot1.

Had Kfc, then Fadhila left. Skip this aye, kinda disturbing. Haha so Fiq came over, then off to Watson, bought nail polish, and lipgloss. (Its my very first time buying lipgloss, im finally becoming a real lady, like wtf) So we went to the back of Lrt and lepak.

Then trained home, reach home, bath, online. That's all about today, boring aye? Im working tomorow but i feel somehow sick, k merepek. Im actually okay but the thought of going to work tomorrow makes me sick. :(

Oh and yes, i almost forgot about this, shall type it out for you for the 1st part alright. :)

Fad: Emily, did you fucking cursed me?!!

Me: Ah? What did i do?

Fad: I just saw Hazmi on the mrt you know!!!!

Me: Oh is it? Okay. So?

Fad: And yesterday i saw.. *pause* Ayun *in a slow tone*

Me: Ayun?! *smiling* where?

Fad: Skatepark, im with Fieza.

So from the moment she told me this, it was stucked in my head till now. Why am i so weak that i can't even let go. Fuck my life. Seriously.

Bye i got enough.

Im done with heartaches.

2010-02-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

Im done. Im giving up. I know its time to let go. There's no point holding on to someone who don't even care about me anymore. We are no longer talking, i have no more to say to you, you are a different person. I must say, other than Hazmi i love you the most, please don't ask why, i really don't have a answer for that..

I broke up with you, i know i "dumped" you. The reason is because you no longer love me. You changed, it hurts me. I know you don't want to be with me, i know very well. So i asked for break in order to make you happy. I'm always looking forward for every tuesday cause i'll be able to see you. But now, i am no longer looking forward for it anymore. It hurts to see you and myself becoming strangers. We are just merely strangers who fell in love with each other before.

I love you. I really do. I must let go. I don't want, i want you back. But you are a different person, i know i was the one who initiated the break up between us. I did it for you, not for myself. You must be thinking that i no longer love you, thinking that i've already forgottten about our love during the time-out you asked for which lasted for a month. You are wrong, completely wrong.

But whatever it is, i know its time to let you go. Im sorry that i hurt you, im real sorry.

I love you very much. :'(

Start anew and kiss the future

2010-02-15T11:36:00.002+08:00

Hello hello readers! I would like to wish all of my chinese friends/readers a Happy Cheena New Year! Haha, well i know i have not much chinese friends, but who cares right?! So yeh, shall start blogging from New Year Eve alright!

As i mentioned, Farris & Fadhila came, was expecting more but they got to go home, so yeh boo. Haha, its okay [: So back to topic, after they left, Justin came over, then me and mom went to Teckwhye, then went home. Had 2nd round of reuinion dinner, sedaaaaaaaap! Haha went to sleep at 2am, shag to the max zzz.

Woke up at 8am on 1st day of New Year (Yesterday) Bath, prepared everything, had breakfast without Eugene & Yongsheng as they have to go Liondance. So after that dad drove us to Ubi ; Sintua. Took pictures, then stay there till 11.30pm.

Shag to the max, again. But have angpao, nyhahahahahah! :p So im okay with it. Noob didn't came, but he texted me, sad eh. (HAHAHA NOOB, I DID SAID IM SAD HORZ.) But not sad la, ah whatever -__- Went home, sleep straight away after washing up.

Woke up at 11am ;D Mom & Edmus is out to buy Mac for us @ Bpp ;) Quickly come back, im famished! Okay la, im done with blogging, pictures time yeaha! :D

1st picture : Auntie Clare, Baby Wanxuan, Me & Yeeru ;)
2nd picture : Year 2005's & Year 2010. (Me and Yeeru) LOL
3rd picture : Daddy!
4th picture : Mommy!

Im done, bye readers, tag me!! [:

Soul sister.

2010-02-13T16:09:00.004+08:00

Hello. I changed my blogskin/template and im satisfied with it! :) Im no longer pissed already, hehe yes i am weird. :/ I always change blogskins whenever im unhappy, BUT that doesn't applies to heartaches, h3h3z :3

So yeh, time now is 04.18pm and i'm god damn bored. I've took a much clearer picture of my nails and its very beautiful okie. Muahaha! Okayl la, im so merepek here o_o

Okay, so gonna have reunion dinner later'on, and Fadhila might be coming over to my crib and lepak. I got no idea yet cause its not confirmed yet :/ I am missing her already, meh. Okay whatever.

So now i do have a problem with myself. And i hope i can move on, god bless me with the strength please. I've been dreaming of him for the past 2 days, like wtf. Hmmmpft!

Why is it that when i sees him online, my heart pumped even faster?
Why is it that whenever i sees cats i will think of him?
Why is it that whenever i walk pass the bench that i always sat with him i will be sad?
Why is it that i still can't remove him?
Why is it that im so weak in moving on from him but not from anyone?
All i can tell myself is that i really need to move on,
why loving someone whom don't love me anymore,
someone who is no longer someone but a new someone?

This hurts badly, it takes time, step by step and then i'll reach the point when someone will take over him, meanwhile, i have to take the first step. Which is to stop viewing his facebook profile whenver i comes online to facebook. Can be done? Ah merepek.

I've been repeating the word "Merepek" on my facebook& tweeter. Haha, im being random anyway, im not refering to anyone, hahahaha okay merepek.

Hmms, i don't think i'll blog for tonight and tomorrow? Well i got no idea, tomorrow is going to be a long day for my family and temple's committee member, and oh yes, i'm seeing noob tomorrow, the noob who always call me kid. Okay bye readers, leave a tag alright. :-)

Muacks! Happy advance chinese new year, oh and yes, i almost forgot, this is the picture of my nail! Hehehe, its handmade okay, fiq said i went to a manicure shop to do it, dam farny. Hahaha okay here you go ;)

-

Editted @ 8.35pm ;)

So this 2 idiot just left my house! Haha, i had fun with them although its just about 45 minutes? :) Wanted to play 21points and Taiti with them but Fadhila gotta go, hmm bummer -__- So yes, i was kinda disappointed uh, takpe la.. So Farris ate all the prawns, cause my mom asked him to, bahahahah! So he ate and he got Angpao from my mom!! Hahaha, happy nampak! Bluek! :P

So they left after taking photos, hmm im on msn with Bob, Nelson & Js. K bai~

Can't deny my unhappiness

2010-02-12T22:55:00.002+08:00

Okay 3rd post! :) Wellwellwell, today i met The Usuals!!!! I MISS THEM HELL LOTS. Well, it was kinda awkward at first, but seriously, i miss school now alot cause of them! :(

So yes, i went to Farrer Park and met up with Fadhila, Aisha, Salleh & Salleha ;) Hi-5 the kids, hugged Fadhila! :) Hehe, then we went off to Douby Gaut for KFC! (Wise fadhila, cause she knows im v sad so she chose KFC to make me happy, hehe) So we had KFC!!! :D Sedap siaaaaaaaaaah!! So after that we trained to Yewtee ;)

Saw Farris!!! So salam him, then alighted at Yewtee. Then walk to Mahmood's house, then went to Fieza's house. Hehe, then off to Ahmad's crib to lepak! I miss those days when i always go lepak there with the usuals, playing 21points, play guitar, disturb people etc..

So we took pictures and i tried something new with Fadhila. SECRET! :P Then lepak till 7.30pm, train home. Home, bath, spring cleaning. Wtf, shag to the max sia.. Went to bangkit, then went back home.

Finally came online at 10pm, chatted with Fana, uploaded the pictures and here i am. Was chatting with Farhan just now but he went offline. Well, thank you for your advice Farhan! Hope to see you soon alright?! ;D

So im kinda worried for Adik cause he is upset, uhmm. Cheeer up lah Zoom, you sad hor, cannot zoom. Okay merepek. HAHAHAHAHHA.

SO TOMORROW IS NEW YEAR EVE!! ANGPAO!!! E71 WAIT FOR ME LOL!!!

K CHALO!

A note to be taken seriously

2010-02-12T11:57:00.002+08:00

Was bloghopping around. Im on a Malay boy's blog, he has a Chinese girlfriend. Both of them is so sweet! ^^ Well, this make me think of my ex malay boyfriends.

I have 4 ex. Izad, Nelson, Hazmi & Ayun. As you can see, 3 malay, 1 chinese. The reason for the only chinese cause i have no faith in chinese boys. Yes, call me stupid la whatever. So yeh, friends, brothers, family, have been asking me to go for a chinese guy instead of malay. They are not being racist ah, its like, Izad, Hazmi & Ayun had hurt me alot, more than Nelson did.

My expectation is not high. I just don't know how to let people in my heart. I don't care about what my friends say about my stead. I admit, i only got for Malay guys.

If there is a chinese guy who can make me change my mindset, i'll go for it. I just don't want to get into any relationships now, i don't care you're malay or chinese.

Please, im so sorry. I don't want to get into any relationships. Please leave me alone if you want to keep on asking for my acceptance. Im so scared of guys, heartbreaks.

If i turn into a lesbian one day, don't be shocked. Girls are better than guys, like seriously. Cause they know, what is our needs and our don't needs.

Im done, bye.

You act as tho its none of your problem.

2010-02-12T09:55:00.004+08:00

So last night was a long night. Don't really want to talk about it. Just wanna fucking forget about it, for once.

So today i woke up at 7.30am, bath, headed out. Reach bustop, saw Fake Yoga, Fadhila called, and 961 was being nice today, cause there's empty seats for me, ha ha. So Fake Yoga was like sitting beside + infront of me and i was kinda shocked uh, cause he is like staring at me. So yeh, skip this. Alighted at the same stop as him, went to office.

Just 2 more days to V day & Cny. I am not excited about it, thanks for ruining it, yes its for you.

Karma will be back for you, trust me. You won't find your other ex like me, i broke up with you is because of You. You forbided me to call you Sayang, you even said that your mom hates me. What are you trying to say? Get straight to the point dude. You wanna break but you don't want to be the bad person. FUCK YOU, GET A LIFE AND A PAIR OF BALLS. YOU = HARDCORE? KISS THE FLOOR. _1_ I am extremely upset with you, but i do accept your apology for you hurting me with your changes. Just pray that every tuesday i won't be seeing your face, god bless me and You!

I wasted my time on you, fuck you.

-

Okay, sorry. Was pissed. Well i wanna say something to one of my "only-chinese-ex". Nelson chua, stop apologising to me, i don't blame you at all okay? I know you're going through "stress" now. Chill, you're 17, you have friends for you, you have me (your favourite assy) and your baby, Fiona! Call me up if you need help, okay?! Cheer up Ass!

k bye xx

See you crying is my happiness.

2010-02-11T11:55:00.003+08:00

Hello! Well, i've thought it over for 2 days. By running away from the fact is a coward's action. So i'm going to face it. So yeah, i really want to get over this.

I've been calling up Fadhila everynight from singapore to malaysia. I told her everything, and i felt so much better. Both of us had made a deal, stay single till we can find a guy who can really treat us well, who won't let our tears drop for nothing. :)

Well, today is Thursday. Im late for work, i woke up at 8am, feel so lazy to go for work, but i still did :/ Bath, went out. 961 to work, and heck! There's so many mad cute chinese guys, and one of them looked at me, i almost melt! HAHA JK :P But he is really cute, really!!!

I just had lunch with Kk, Venu, Shalini and Rathna @ ABC :) While our way back to office, saw Fake Yoga, lol.

So yes, going home straight tonight and sleep early, damn shag. Anyway last night, i went to Shengshiong with parents, it was a last minute plan tho :/ So bought groceries, and saw Jacinda & Safiah there.

Oh yeah, show you guys 1 picture yeh!

From left to right: Charlotte, Mylen, Lynn, Fred's boyfriend, Selvie, me & Rathna ;)

I look like a faggot, okay whatever. Hahaha, screw my hair there! Hahaha! Chinese new year is coming, i wanna get myself a new phone, E71 please! :p

Okay lah, im done. Anyway Fadhila is coming back! Nyhehe, bye & tag me!

I said "i miss you", you said "what else you wanna say?"
i said "Nothing else." Then you said "Zzz bye"
GREAT HUH. BEAR THIS IN YOUR MIND,
THE EGO IN YOU CAN RUIN YOUR HAPPINESS.

not anymore

2010-02-10T17:34:00.003+08:00

Hi readers :] Well, just to inform you guys that i won't be updating that often anymore, don't bother to ask why anyway. Hmm, im still at my workplace now, watching GossipGirls on Selvie's IpodTouch.

Well and yes, im done. I got no mood in everything anymore. NOT ANYMORE.

chalo.

I don't want to feel this way for you again.

2010-02-09T16:30:00.004+08:00

Currently in school. I doubt i will be blogging tonight. Well. I shall take this chance to blog about today then :)

So today woke up at 7am, bath, chiong, go out. Talk to Ilham for awhile, then took 963 to school. Met _ _ _ _ at the bustop, and we board the same bus too. We were completely strangers, we didn't talked, we only exchanged glance. Its not a good feeling, like seriously.. Skip this, make me sad only wtf...... _1_

So went to Smartroom1, late like usual. :P Then sat the back, Mrs Lum's class, lemme tell ya, i fucking hate her, bias nk mampos sia, fuck her. Lol.

So went for lunch with Aslina, Evangela & her friend. Had KFC!! Took 105 there, and Rizal was inside, shock much. Lol, whatever. Then took 106 back. Wanted to skip like what i did for the past 3 weeks, but i didn't, hiak :p

I passed my 1st test for Customer Service! And i didn't studied for it, i sumpah. Haha and i got 34/50 sey! HAHAHAH okay im lame :p Well, i expect myself to get 5. HAHAHAH, and i have full marks for multiple questions :p Okay la, im like a 7 yr old kiddo bragging her result, wtfuckingshit. Lol -_-

So while we are on the way back to Mrs Tan's lesson after lunch, saw _ _ _ _ again with Aidil.. I swear, i hate myself for that. I don't want it to happen again, i don't want to see myself staring at you anymore.. Please, get out of my life, sight, mind, heart. :(

So yeh, now im having Mrs Seetoh's lesson, well. She is nice but very very very very very naggy. And i have to call her the 4th time then she comes to me, -_- I was disturbing Faris just now thru facebook, hahaha!

I saw Elysa today and i talked to her! And she told me something, and i was... Somehow sad and happy. I don't know, i seriously don't know, i don't wanna go back to those times when i always cry and think about you... :'(

And to you, im sorry for what i said to you, i didn't meant to hurt you, i don't wanna get into relationships/don't wanna love anyone. Im so sorry, please move on alright? Afterall, friends last longer than couples. Do you know that? Im so sorry, but no worries, i will still be there for you, mr hawt. :)

I saw you once, my mind is in a wirl.
When i saw you the 2nd time, im officially sad.
I miss you alot, ah fuck, whats with me?
Why am i like this, i thought i've moved on?
Or was it, when i saw you, the memories are back..
When i fetch you from work.
when i go lunch with you at the staff canteen.
When i went to find you after my interview.
When we lepak underblock everyday before you go for work.
When i hugged you like as if i will lose you.
When you bit my cheek and then laugh at my reaction.
When you kiss me when you are off to work...
When i was loved by you, when when when....
Haiz, please, get out of my life.....

I'll do anything it takes to make me happy.

2010-02-08T07:10:00.005+08:00

Morning! *yawns* Okay, time now is 7.11am. Shall not waste time and start blogging.

Headed to Pending to meet Pendek @ 12pm+, then took 700A and alighted at FEP. Then we walked around while waiting for Viv & Cheryl. Met them outside Chippy. Then went to buy our stuffs. Bought 3 bangles, 1 pair of scandals, 2 dress.

Then had lunch at KFC cause we can't find LJS. I told Fana that LJS is closed, and she insisted that there' LJS -__- So we went around, and i was fed up and famished, so i asked people. They were like "Err, ljs no more already? *look at me like weird*" -___- So we had it at KFC!!! BAHAHAHA KFC IS THE BEST XD

Then after that, wanted to head to ION but something stopped us. Pfffft, forget it. Haha, so went to FEP to meet up Hady! :) Haha, damn awkward but ok la, luckily i am not that shy.... Haha wtf, selfpraise -__- Then after that, he left for his lunch and me, Viv & Cheryl cabbed to Gombak while Fana took 190 home <:

Then reached Gombak, did our hair. God damn... Its so fugging long zzzzz Then after that, i did my eyebrow too, i look damn.. lol!! Okay whatever -___- Then had dinner at Al-Ahzar (i think?) then saw one mad kute guy!!!! Hahaha, and i was like "Wah cute!" LMAOZX, OKAY IM LAME.

After that, trained back with Cheryl while Viv took the other line. ;) Then i Lrt home, reach home, changed, and watched tv. Long day, sibeh shag. Then went to Bangkit and bought dinner for daddy.

Hady called till i was sleepy, mhmmm. I love his dream, HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Okay la, later you paisey.... :p

So yeh, monday sucks. Neverm, shall show Selvie my new hair!!!! Nyahahahah! And i doubt i can come online tonight? See how first lah okay? :p

Okay shall end off with a picture of me, Cheryl & Viv :)

Time now is 7.15am. 4 minutes, im so pro. I have amazing and fast fingers, lololololol!!! Okay la, shall go and get a bath and probably seeing Yanto and co at Pending again~ Chalo!

2010-02-07T11:26:00.002+08:00

Morning sunshines! Well today i woke up 3 time. 1st time was at 8+ Then 2nd time was at 9+. Last time was at 10am. Woke up, took money from Mom. $_$ LOL. So after that, washed up, brought breakfast for Dad & Granny & Brother. & Myself, cause i never eat dinner last night..

So now im blogging, msning, tweeting and tumblr-ing. And i just screwed the posting page via mozilla fox, shal ss for you people later on, idk how to restore it back! Im such a noob, hahahah whatever, you don't laugh la cb. Lol im crazy, ahahahahaa.

So Cheryl just called me, oh i can't wait for later! Well, im going to get my hair rebonded today, foooooyah!

Haha okay, wait for my post tonight alright! Or tomorrow, idk, SHIT TOMORROW IS MONDAY. WHY DOES WEEKENDS PASSES SO FAST?! :(

Tuesday is coming, clementi ite again. *shrug* -.- Fuck, cannot cabot already, if not mampos. Hahahah, okay la, i shall enjoy today first!! :p

Chalo~

3rd post, for people who are upset, like me.

2010-02-06T22:27:00.003+08:00

3rd post for tonight, i know its very rare for me to post for the 3rd time, well i think its a worth it if i were to post tonight.

Moving on, its removing a portion of memories away from your brain but not your heart. It may be hard to remove it, but its a worth to do it. If you manage to do it, you won't be living in denial, you won't be crying and stuffs anymore, and better still, you will have better guys coming on your way very soon.

In order to do it, its very simple. Its just that whether you wanna give it a try anot. You have to agree this deal with god, and not with satan. If you agrees with god, tada, you have made 1 big step! :D *Kudos* I've been through this, Nelson, Hazmi & Ayun. 3 of them, each has their own good and bad points. But i have never ever regretted knowing them, loving them, being hurt by them.

My first matured love was Hazmi, it was very hard to move on. And now i've to admit, i've not moved on 100%. But i know i can do it, all i need is time. I'm doing very good, i've used up 3 nights to think about what should i do. I cried, and what i knew was to Start To Love Myself.

Some of my friends are going through r/s problems, and i exactly know how they felt. If you can't communicate, find a way to solve it. If not, leave them. Stop hurting them if you have no intention of find a way to solve this problem, cause you're nothing but just a faggot.

Moving on is really hard, but if we were to move on, we welcomes the better future. If we don't, we'll be stucked in the past.

My friend, Avanders use to say this to me. "In front of the path, there's better and more routes for you to go, continue, don't stop there. Don't go back anymore, its so dark, and you're all alone." Get it people?

Most people might be thinking "Emily mcm fhm je, kimak" or "Geh kiang nia, nabehcb" or whatever shit you can think of. If you think this post is like too parasan, i welcome you to leave.

To my friends (You know who you are, esp my Sistalurp)
Im here, don't worry, we're on the same boat! C'mon, happy go lucky!! :)

xx emily with lurbz

All the single ladies!

2010-02-06T20:46:00.006+08:00

Okay hi, shall start to blog ;) Left work at 12.30pm, took 855 to Vivo. Then headed to Cck. Wanted to head to Simei but it was cancelled and they headed to Pasir Ris, then Fieza called. So after thinking, i decided to head to Cck instead of Pasir Ris :/ So sorry guys!

So reached Yewtee, met Fieza there. Then trained to Cck. Had lunch at Food Culture. Then went to Aries. Then headed to my house. While walking out, saw Thasvin!! (happy us!!!) And Thasvin was so happy to see us!!! Hahaha, then we took picture too ^_^

Then we headed to Pending, but alighted at Bangkit cause of one minah staring at us, cheebye. Think your boyfriend got angkong daisai ah, cb. Lol. Go and bang wall and make yourself prettier lah please, wtfuck. -__- So took the other train and home!

Took pictures, had hell lots of fun. Then went online, webcammed with Hady :) Hahah, then after that went to buy dinner for Granny. Then send Fieza to Pending. Then i went home.

Uploaded the photos @ facebook already, do go and check it out, there's my ezlink card picture and Adik is laughing at it, damn! Hahahah! Its okay anyway!! :) So go and check it out yeh people?!

I wanna go and do my stuffs already! Heh and im starting to miss............ Nyahaha, secret! :P Blueeeeeek! (I know you read my blog, hehee)

Okay la, enough said, im so going to town tomorrow and get my hair done!! Chalo!!

Im married. :O

2010-02-06T10:30:00.002+08:00

Take a look at my husband, nyahahaha! Call me Mrs Lin pls, okay kidding. Haha, well i started to get crazy over him ever since i know Nelson on 22nd June 2008, so yeah, i doubt i will ever get over Yoga Lin. And Nelson hates him! Tmd, no taste lah you, rofl!! :p I want his another version of his album, the $40 one, anyone buy for me for Valentines day? ^^

I was late for work, when i reach, Linn & Jonny said i'm the latemaster, hahahaha. Mcm sacarstic gitu eh, takpe la, haha! Then boss wasn't in the office, so the office's atmosphere were kinda livlier compared to weekdays. :) Selvie used Linn's facebook and wrote stuffs on her wall, hahahaha! I ss it already. ;)

So today after work, i will be heading down to Simei to meet Yimling and co. Can't wait, yay! And Hady is working today, hope he get well soon!! :)

Okay im done, i'll blog again tonight!! Chalo~

Empty heart.

2010-02-05T20:52:00.004+08:00

Proper post, i know you guys have been waiting, people have been asking me to post a proper post, so tada here you go people.

Today i woke up late, like again. Very kecoh sia, you guys won't want to see my kecoh side, cause very auntie. Bath, was fed up with what to wear, so i just wear anyhow ah. Everything done, rush out. Headed to Pending.

Saw Ilham, Tszakir, Yanto, Khairuddin, Bob and 1 more chinese guy. So talked to them for awhile, and as usual, they disturb me ah, kurang aja. Then i left and took Lrt to Bukit Panjang. Took 961, fucking one lesbian actually asked me to sit beside her and i was freaked out, so i tak layan and she keep on smiling to me. Oh my god, but mcm cool ah, even girl also want me, lol.

So alighted, went to office straight. Had lunch at ABC with Selvie & Kk. After that went back, didn't do much work. Borrowed Ipod Touch from Slevie. Then at 6pm, left for home.

Took 961, lrt home. Reach home, bath, online. Here i am blogging for you guys, well im working tomorrow again, till 12.30pm. So should i head to Simei ITE with Yimling & co or head home and sleep? Okay, i shall head to Simei tomorrow then.

I didn't came online for 3 nights, i think i failed in forcing myself. But i don't care, i'll continue to force myself to forget what she said to me. Shall not talk about these.. Cause i must and i will do it, just takes time. But i will force myself to make it possible as soon as possible.

And yes, i met a new friend name Hady. And he is a nice guy la afterall, hmm i didn't let him know that i'm posting about him, so after posting, i shall let him know, cause he commented my pictures and here i am posting for him, nayahahah. So i owe him a dinner date, cause he gonna belanje me. Hady hady, make a mixtape for me sooon!!! Hahahaha.

Okay im done, on msn with Hady, Gummy & Huzaifah now. Chalo, you guys better tag me sia.... Hahahaha bye!

Sampai menutup mata

2010-02-05T17:52:00.002+08:00

This song...

Just let me slip away.

2010-02-04T17:48:00.009+08:00

So okay, i think im going to blog for today. Have not been coming online for the past 2 nights, reason is because i have no mood so. So shall talk about yesterday and today aite.

I went for work yesterday, spoke less than 20 sentence @ office. Left workplace at 6pm, reached Panjang in 30 minutes. Was feeling very down and didn't felt like going home. So i alighted at Cdss, waited for 184. While waiting, met Huzaifah Bucks, he was on the bus. He grew fatter but in a chubby way, haha. So 184 came, alighted 1 stop before, walked back.

Met Tina & Yingying at some block, they were with XiaoCandy & XiaoJae, (Victoria sissy, remember? Lmao!) So didn't interacted with them, and Tina say i very dao, hahaha. So headed to Coffeeshop, had dinner ;)

Then Ying left first, so left me and Tina. Then walked to Petir together, and i went back home. Lepak with Gummy & Cammie for awhile, i miss 'em alot, alot alot alottttttttttttttttt. So lepak for awhile, went home. Home, wash up, didn't came online, was very fucked up with everything around me, i don't understand why even my mom said i've changed, fuckkkkkkkkkk. Ah fuck lah, i don't want to care and talk anymore la, seriously, im so fucked up with everything.

Slept at 12+ after calling Fadhila, told her everything that i felt, felt better.. Mhmm, keep the secrets okay Fadhila? :-) So went to sleep, woke up at 7am today, bath, went out to Pending. Saw Ilham and 1 more guy, waved to them as usual, then went for work.

Left work early as i was feeling unwell. Reach home around 5.30pm. So tomorrow is Friday. Damn, why does time travels so slow?

I hate working, and today i nearly lost my temper and wanting to shout at that fucking merepek lady. Think im easy to bully ah? Push everything to me, wtf. Im only a trainee, not a official staff, you fucking get it? Don't fucking push my chair and say "oi" to me when you wanna talk to me, go and fuck yourself lah eh, cb. Fucking no manners, mcm sial.

I think im going to hate You from now on, seriously. Just 1 day you see, i'm going to quit my traineeship just because of you, you see je, pukimak kau. _!_ Don't fucking push my limits, just you see, you wanna scold me for my lousy chinese? If you wanna do so, use your brain. Your english sucks to the max, seriously. Get a life please.

i need someone to talk to, i need a hug terribly. but seems like nobody is the right candidate for me to spill my unhappiness stuffs out, nevermind. I shall wait for 12th.

I got no mood for this year's chinese new year, i think its amazing, V day is coming, c'mon, why am i affected? -_- Fuck. Seriously.

Fuck. My. Life

inactive,

2010-02-04T10:01:00.002+08:00

will be updating soon, :(

again and again, i failed.

2010-02-03T11:28:00.004+08:00

i wore black top & bottom today.
have colourful sexbands on my right wrist.
wearing grey flats.
my hair is long enough to reach the end of my backbone.
my backbone problem came back, _1_
im gettin sick of everything.
i don't know what's with adult's mind.

going to have lunch in about 20 more minutes.
going to have dinner at subway with tina & joshua today.
going to have a shopping spree with fana @ town this coming sunday.
going to be unhappy soon.

facebook's prediction says that surprises is coming on my way, regarding the one who i love.
well well well.... im starting to get scared, seriously..

k la, bye. i update about yesterday tonight okie.

Ugly ugly ugly!

2010-02-01T21:13:00.002+08:00

Hi everyoneeeeee. Haha i think i am mad and gettin sick soon. So shall talk about today.

After work, headed to Harbourfront and train to Cityhall. Then met Sera there!! So happy to see her again, hehe. :3 Went to meet her friends, one of her friend look exactly like my ex boyfriend, Hazmi. Like seriously, omg. And i kept looking at him, seriously, look so alike.... :( Eh why am i sad? Wtf, stupid me.. Argh whatever _1_

So we went to Funnan Mall and had Kfc ;) That Kfc had alot of memories for me. Cause that day we were having excursion and we went there for lunch with the whole of class 4D. Then that was the day when i start to got close with Sera! ^^ Hehe, miss those days, like seriously......

So had Zinger! :p Talked alot with Sera, told her every single thing and i felt so much fucking better! Hahaha, i love you Sera! Then we left for Mini Cafe. Played board/Card games, seriously, i kept laughing man. Haha!

Had so much fun with her friends, seriously. Hehe, and the guy who look like my ex is seriously cute to the max, but i don't like him, when i sees him, i think of... :( But nevermind, its okay. So we laughed like mad people, we acted, we smacked, we laugh, we shout, we screamed. Haha! We played Uglyuglyugly!, Dirtyminds (Sera's favourite eh.. ^^) and some others that i forgotten :x

So we stayed till around 5.30 and i headed to Outram park. Walked to SGH and went to visit Grandpa. Felt happy when i see him smiling, i was expecting him to be unable to even move. Haha, i hope his blood vessel won't burst anymore so that he will still be alive.. Haiz, sucks right, i don't wanna write these on my blog, sorry.

So i went home alone after having dinner with Granny, texted with Sera & Vivien at the same time, reached home, went online. Was on msn with Fadhila, Irene, Fiq & Fana (:

Pictures time, but only 3 je, cause i malas nk upload lagi :p

1st picture : Fadhila, i love you too la, hehe!! :D
2nd picture : That's harith, the guy who look like my ex.
3rd picture : SERA SISTER! (Taken by Harith)

Wellwellwell, why aren't you online? Hmm... Its okay. Anyway tomorrow going to school, SUCKS TO THE MAX!!!!!!!!! I HATE SCHOOL. LMAO.

Because i say so, you shall face it.

2010-02-01T10:53:00.004+08:00

So im currently at my workplace. Going to SGH later'on to visit my grandpa. Mom said that if his brain were to bleed again, he is gone from us. Felt kinda upset, cause im the closest to him as i work with him when im 11 year old till 15 year old.

I hope for the best then, i don't really wanna talk about this. So yeh...

So last night i was feeling very down, and i got no idea what to do..... Sedih nk mampos sia aku.

Chalo.

~~You told me that you missed me, oh yeah?~~
Dear boy, you made me living in doubts again.
You told your ex that you hated me the most, you're just using me.
But you told me to not to cry as you'll feel heartpain, you said you misses me.
What is the truth, what is not? You nk tengok i sedih gile babi lagi?
Aku sayang kau, tapi kau mcm tak sayang aku, tapi kau ckp kau rindu aku.
ape ni? haiz.

My one and only non-chinese sister.

2010-01-31T19:36:00.003+08:00

As refering to my title, im not being a racist oke. Well, this post is dedicated to her. I seriously miss her alot, we seldom contacts, when she is online, we don't chat as she will always go "im busy" to me. When she tells me that, i am indeed hurt but i didn't really want to think of it and and just pray that she won't forget me.

So i misses secondary life, take note, its "misses" instead of "missed". Whenever im in class, she will be like my 2nd boyfriend. Cause i always sleeps during lessons and she will go "tan huang nam, wake up and stop sleeping like a pig" She is the only person who can call me Pig. And if other people were to call me that, she will laugh and get pissed. Haha!

I miss her alot, seriously. Those moments when we laughed, we got mad at people, we disturb people.. We skip lessons, we cut queue. To you people, it may be nothing. But to me, it meant everything. The last time we really had fun was when we were decorating the hall for the NT & EXPRESS's graduation ceremony. We fought over the balloons, we played around, we ate macdonald's. We were like sisters, seriously.

Both of us has something in common, which is to eat & laugh alot. Now we're seperated, i haven't met her ever since our N level results was announced. Which is about 1 month ago. She has her own friends, as for me, i got no goodfriends or whatever fucking friend in the office, nobody was like Sera.. And i've not been laughing so loudly for so damn bloody long....

Sera, i miss you hell lots. I seriously hope, i'll not be downgraded to the last of your list. We made a promise, sisters forever. Do you still remember? Or have you forgotten about it?...

-

So the most assy guy name Nelson Chua just called me and he is being so assy you know. This is our convo.

Nel : Hello, you at where? I'm waiting for you then never come aaaaaah!
Me : Hello, huh? Home la! Wait? Go where? Never jio me!
Nel : Sembawang park la! Take cab now, i don't care, better come.
Me : Oh your bbq hor, never jio me, now then tell me, sucka.
Nel : Idc, but i got tell you ley, come now, i don't care.
Me : Crazy la you, i cannot go out already, you very last minute ley.
Nel : COME NOW!
Me : I cannot la!!!!
*background sounds : COME LA EMILYYYYY*
Me : Eh, how come your friends know me?
Nel : Of course la, you Pop ley, somemore you're my Ass.
Me : Wtf, shut up la fucker, idiot.
Nel : What fucker? I haven't fuck you.
Me : Whatever, i cannot go tonight, sorry. Want next week lor.
Nel : COME LAAAAA. *pass phone to Fiona*

Damn hilarious, seriously. He is guailan as ever, asked him to not call me ASS already. Make me angry only, sua, this week your birthday week, i pangsua. Haha, PEACE k. I owe you 1 meet up okay, we'll meet soon, ASSY ^^

I can fall asleep easier when i cries.

2010-01-31T15:25:00.003+08:00

Hi readers! Haha im mad, lol jk. Today is the last day of January, all i can say is January wasn't a great month for me, i patched with Ayun, i broke up with him after 2 days for just H & myself. When i went back to H, i got to know that he don't love me. Got real upset with him, so i went "quiet" for 3 weeks, and people think i changed... So overall, january seriously sucks! But nevermind, febuary will be better! :3

I hope Febuary will be a better month, yes i know, the major events on Febuary are Valentine's day & Chinese new year. Like hello, i don't give a damn to Valentine's day la plz. Its just a day, duh. And its Chinese new year man!! Angpao, nyhahaha! :p I can't wait for Febuary, its gonna be daddy's birthday! What to buy for him?..... Boxers? Ok set, boxers. HAHAHA JK :P

So today i woke up, brush teeth, Gummy called, so had a chat with him! Then went online, bath, webcammed with Farris. Damn, he is being as bitchy as ever, he very bastard also, when i call him Snufflepagus, he called me "You belong to the 3 little pigs" Bastard sia..... Is Charlie Fat Angels la bodoh nie elephant, tsk! I got photos of him when we webcammed, hahahaha seriously, muke die tak perlu sia, rofl.

So he is coming over to Bpp later to sk8t with Alson, Akif, Hadi & Suhaimi. And i asked him to come over to ma block, hehe and he agreed! Yes ah! Can meet them!! Heheh! So yeh, back to topic. After chatting with him, chatted with Fadhila & Safiah ;)

Ate chicken rice with Eugene ^.^ And he fucking waste my $$, damn never eat finish. _1_ Lmao! Then right now im still on msn with Safiah ;) Shall upload the pic of me and Farris aye. :]

Shall reply tags nao.

@Fadhila, biase la tu, i'm always cute. Hiakhiak, kidding. Tak la, not him la lmao!
@Jein, thanks for passing by! (L)

When i love you, i know its gonna be so hard to quit loving you.

2010-01-30T19:55:00.002+08:00

So yeah hi everyone, i fucking cried again last night, im such a stupid girl. I cried and cried, till my eyes are tired.

I can feel someone talking to me last night, telling me to love myself first, cause i have been treating myself the worst and i treat the only one in my heart the best. And whatsmore, the only one in my heart doesn't even care.. Sad and disappointed much, seriously.

Alarm rang at 6am, i off it and went back to sleep cause i went to sleep at 2am last night, geez. So woke up at 8.30 and i was fucking mad at myself, so i woke up and went to bath straight away. Then texted Linn and informed her that i'll be late, haha clever me :p Then took 961 as usual, reached office around 10+. So means i have to apply for 1 hour leave, damn -__-

Didn't did much work, just updated the service report only. Took picture with some of them and left for Cck. Missed 961, so waited for around 10 minutes and took the 2nd 961. Then changed to Lrt and reached Cck around 1.43pm.

Waited for Fiona for about 15 mins and we left for KFC :D Saw Raihan, Syafiqah & Izad with his girlfriend. Izad turn hot, lol chey, whatever. Didn't got to talk to anyone of them, lmao. And met Ira Boinboin too! Hugged her as i miss her so damn much! x_x

After having our lunch, headed to Popular. Saw Yoga Lin's album!! God damn, i called mom immediately, asking her to sponsor me the dvd, hehe. And she agreed! And i was grinning all the way, hahaha!! Lol, okay then we headed to the rooftop, watched some performance, well its okay la, but i think one of the female singer spoiled the whole song, right Fiona? :)

Headed to toilet, then after that went home. Took lrt with Fiona, took the Senja line. She alighted at Fajar while i alighted at Pending. :) Reached home, watched the Yoga Lin's dvd! The dvd was great, hehe. I love Yoga to the max, Nelson shall burn me all his songs to me, cause he promise me so :p

So changed, online. Here i am. ;) I took pictures with Fiona today, its on my Facebook, so go and check it out yup ;)

I got no mood today, i got no idea why. You know what sucks? I seriously miss you and seems that nobody likes seeing me loving you. I got no idea what the fuck is wrong with them.

Like what adik wrote on his blog....

"We're in the same boat. You bail out first.
Cuz u can't take it. I pull u back and u all wet.
You hear all the stuff u shouldn't hear, You got hurt inside, its bleeding now..
& i just got a plaster for it

On the other side im crushed
My heart crushed into million pieces scatter to all places
into atoms that u can't even see

Well we got to move on.. we'll keep rowing the boat that we made"

The reason for the bolded sentence is because that was what me and him were talking about last night before he went offline. I have nobody to talk to but only Adik. He is the 2nd guy whom i can tell my problems to, the 1st guy, is no longer there for me.. No longer and he left me hanging there alone.

When people starts to tell me stuffs that i shouldn't be hearing, i starts to tumble and i will have to start all over again, being happy. Its hard, you people ain't in my shoes, you people don't fucking understand me. I seriously hate you people big time, yes each and every one of you, sisters? brothers? bestfriends? mates? members? fuck yourselves people, _1_ this is for you.

You people keep on updating your status, msn pm, saying that "people change" whatever shit. Eh hello, im working, not playing around with new people that i met.

I DIDN'T FUCKING CHANGED, YOU PEOPLE CLAIM THAT I'VE CHANGED, SO OKAY, I WILL CHANGE AND LET YOU SEE WHAT IS CHANGED. OKAY DOKIE?! _1_

@Jelyn, hey hello. Okay will study hard.
@Kathie Kate, added.
@passerby, thanks. And i don't know who are you? What answer? o.O
@Berlina, Im changed.

It won't take long, i just needs time.

2010-01-29T22:34:00.003+08:00

Back to post 2. After work, headed to Lot1. Fucking traffic jam, but its okay, i had a great time sleeping in the bus sitting beside one grandma who can't stop crunching on her tibits. How cute, but she make me hungry x_x

So alighted at the usual stop, took train to Cck. Waited for Joshua for about 15 minutes, headed to Mac for dinner. Then off to CottonOn and headed home. Had a great dinner while reading Joshua's script. Haha, i miss drama ):

So got home, bath, online. Not really in the mood, but no worries, no hatred. This is between me and you. Although i have no hatred, but you won't know what will i do next. You want me to move on so badly, people want me to move on so badly, i will show to you what is move on from me.

Till when you see me no longer updating my facebook, tagged, twitter, blog, tagbox, msn.
That is when im moving on, that is when im forcing myself to not interact with people.

Chill people, im not trying to post this to a particular person, its for everyone. Do you know that if i can move on, i'll move on when im with Ayun? Have you ever thought of this? Don't say Yes, say No. Cause you people are always forcing me to move on immediately.. I SERIOUSLY NEED TIME AND CONCERN.

When im with A, i do love him. But not as much as how i love H. I know im selfish and self-centered, but hello. I was so naive that i thought by being with someone, i can forget someone. That is a naive way to do so, instead of forgetting, im falling deeper. And im so wrong, seriously.

A treated me badly, H was sad over what A did to me. H asked me to perservere, i did. A indeed treated me better, but it didn't lasted for long. H told me that in his heart, he loves me, but in his mind, he doesn't. After thinking of what H said, i took 3 weeks to come up with a decision. Is to break with A and go to H.

And when i went back to H, H told me that he don't love me at all. H told me he love somebody and he said he got himself a new life, new love. Ever wondered, how am i going to face this? It was fucking hard, i cried till i can't cry anymore, i lost my appetite completely. So when i asked H to last long, H keep on telling me that he wasn't attached, he even sweared to me.

So just now, H's ex came and talk to me and told me that she was the one who H was attached to. I cried when she told me, but i was thinking, its already the past. But i don't know why am i crying when she told me. I just feel the hurt in me is growing and coming back to me..

So sup people, tell me, how to move on? If you can do so, i applaud for you, but that doesn't mean you are fucking great, till the extend of forcing me to move on immediately.

Please, although i may look strong, happy, firm, inside me im not. The reason why i look happy cause i don't want people to think that H & A are bad eggs. And its also that i don't want my friends to get worried because of me. Im trying, really trying. Nobody knows im trying, seriously, nobody.

Please. Give. Me. Time. Cause. I. Am. Just. A. Ordinary. Girl.

@safiah, thanks for dropping by, ^^
@ Fana. Great, thank god weekends is coming...
@ Jwml,♥, thanks. You stay pretty too. Okay will link you up.

Happy 17th Nelson :)

2010-01-29T17:05:00.002+08:00

Okay hello readers, haha im right now in at my workplace, 1 more hour to go till i knock off :)

I wanna wish my first & last chinese ex unofficial-boyfriend, Nelson a happy 17th birthday!

Stop calling me "ass" okay you sucka, when i sees you tomorrow with Fiona, you prepare to die. Haha, right Fiona?! :D So and yes, you owe me maggie mee. :p And great picture right?! Of course, i edited it! Haha!

So yesterday, nothing much lah. Morning went to Pending as usual, saw Yanto, Ilham, Khairuddin :) So went for work, had lunch at canteen itself, mhmm food suck much but i still ate it cause Yi Han say i waste food. Lol, i will remember what he say..... HAHAHA. Till 6pm, i was the first to leave office, hehehe! Took 961, slept all the way.

Home, online. Slept at 11pm, early i know, cause i was tired to the max and i was very bothered with something..

Woke up at 7.30 as Granny woke me up, and i was fuggggging late. So quickly bath, and head out. Saw Yanto, Ilham, Tszakir and Khairuddin again, haha! Then off for work. Reached workplace, till 12pm headed to Central and had KFC!! :D

Then now im still at the office, 6pm coming! Going to Lot1 after work straight, buy my shoes and dinner! :D

Shall reply tags nao. :-)

@Yingxue, okay sure! :)

@ Fadhila, of course baby! I love you too ^^

@Sotong Queen, hello kak sotong! aku nk makan sambal sotong! Haha, k lame :p Okie wokie, will link you ^^ Don't call me tom yam, be more direct. Call me "Hot" HAHAHAHHA!!

Oh yeah, and see this too, i couldn't tag everyone, but just read la! Here you go.............

The world of love is so big that no matter how much love you put in, its never enough.
The world of love is so big that it can be filled with 100 kinds of unhappiness.

The world of love is so small that when you have the 3rd person in it, it get humid and one
of them will be dead due to lack of oxygen.
The world of love is so small that when you accidentally stepped over it and it will be gone.

What's the conclusion of this 2 paragraph?
The conclusion is that, don't destroy love and do your best to make one & another happy.

BYE!

lazy lazy

2010-01-28T21:56:00.001+08:00

im lazy to blog.... bye!

& to fadhila, i wont be online already, tmr then talk. i love you ^^

Every ounce of confidence i have.

2010-01-27T21:54:00.004+08:00

Hello everyone, shall talk about yesterday, but i will summarize it, no worries :) So i went out late on purpose cause lessons is fucking boring. So reached already, Viv told me she got stomachache, not going to school. So i took 99 and headed to Boon Lay. Met Viv, and wtf, she immediately got well. So bitchy right, haha! But nevermind la, hehe. Went to her house. Used laptop, bitched about (insert name)

So went out again to Yio Chu Kang, took 72 and went to Amk ITE. Met fana there, went in to her school, feel weird but of course its better than Clementi ._. Got cute guys dok!! HAHAHA :p So after that walk to some bustop, saw Farris, Fakhrullah, Hakim ^.^ Farris grew fatter, seriously. And he fucking kicked me, damn. Talked to Hakim & Fakhrullah too :)

Called Idris, met him at the bustop and we walk to Amk Hub :) Then he and his friend left while me, Viv & Fana went to Amk Hub's Macd. So if you guys are my loyal readers, you will know why i love that Macd. :) I will always remember that day.... :)

So after that, changed to ITE shirt and walked around Amk Hub. Then headed to Sunplaza ; Sembawang. Then slacked there, after that Fana went home and me & Viv headed to Boon lay again, waited for Yi han :) After he came, Viv left and me and Yi han went to withdraw $ and headed for dinner. Had Mac and damn, i kept laughing cause of his english. LOLOLOLMAO!!

Then he send me to interchange, waited for 180 together and i took bus and he went to meet his friends. Thanks Yi han for your treat, you're cute la ok.... HAHAHA ^^ Don't call me kid anymore!!! :D So i went home, bath, online.

Today, i woke up at 7.30 and im late cause i slept quiet late due to the cryings last night.. Went to pending after gettin ready, met Yanto, Ilham and 1 more guy. So talked to them and i missed the bus! Ilham laaaa. Lol, then they laughed when i say "see my bus left!" Haha, but its okay, they made me smile in the morning, great start!

Took 961, then had rice for lunch, got my pay!! Happy like crazy, for a few minutes only.. Then at 6pm, went home, took 961 again. Passed by Cdss bustop, then reached Pending, saw some of my juniors.. Reach home, bath, online.

Msn with Fana, Cammie, Kak fieza, Fadhila, Irene & Shikin. I changed my blogskins & songs. With a new tagbox too, cause alot of people malas nk tag cause very leceh kan?! So i created this one lor....... Haha~

Congrats to Suhaimi. Im happy for you, i hope i will be lucky like you, but no..

Babyboy, although i went for dinner with someone who likes me, it reminds me of you.
We had dinner at Jurong Point, remember Jurong Point? I know you do..
Remember Amk Hub? I went there yesterday and i feel so upset.
I miss you, alot. You know? No you don't.... You don't care for me anymore..

You can say im stubborn, i won't deny but admit. The picture that i've posted today
is on my office's desktop. Im sorry to say, last night i cried my heart out. I wanted
a hug so badly, but i can't do anything, i don't wanna confront anyone pouring out my
problems, i will just keep it to myself.

Question to myself. Do i still love you?
Answer is.. Yes i do.

Im still stuck in the past, i know.

2010-01-26T22:35:00.002+08:00

im a weak loser. still wanna be friends with me? no.

It all takes time prove it, and i have the time.

2010-01-25T21:27:00.004+08:00

Hello everyone!! Shall start blogging and get to sleep by 11.30pm. Very shag, somemore tomorrow need to go to school, haiz. So today i went to work. Took 961, then reach around 9.05am.

Didn't did much work, same old routine la... Boring & sucky working life i've got. So till 12pm, i went outside and texted with Yihan & Fiona :) Then ate chicken rice, then stayed outside till 1.1pm.

Till about 6pm i went home, walked to bustop with Hooi Yee, then saw Fake-Yoga :p Haha, then i board the bus, and alighed at Timah. Went to look for grandma & grandad for free dinnerrrrr. Bahahah! Had sugarcane too ^^

Then took 184 home, bath, online. Don't really feel like going back to school tomorrow, seriously, i don't know why am i like this, first time im feeling this way, i guess i really feel very uncomfortable with my new classmates. But whatever lah eh, only on every tuesday peh.. :p

So tomorrow i shall meet up you-know-who and have dinner together, kinda excited but nervous too, but heck, lol!

Today i got kinda fucked up during working hours, i know its my bad for not controlling my emotions but wtf, when a girl is having her menses, you can't expect her to swallow every nonsense you gives her right?! Omg, im very pissed of, as in just now, not now. Haha! Only 1 person know why am i angry.. Bobian la, im only a trainee.... Tahan!

So now im craving for KFC again. Fana says im a KFC maniac lol. Oh and yes, this is for my adik.

Danial, i miss you with the sunshine smile on your face in the sense of through internet. I know its nonsense, but i know you have not been smiling. So please may god lead you through this unhappiness so that you will face a better tomorrow. Don't worry, you & kak deserve better partners. We are still young, we have time. Okay adik?! :) Brace up then i belanje you okie.

Okay, am so excited for tomorrow's dinner. Hwahwakwak~ Gonna call up Fadhila now! Yes, from singapore to malaysiaaaaaaaaaa ;D

On msn with Fadhila & Lingsheng :) Byeeeeee.

I have alot to say, but whenever i tries to say...

2010-01-24T20:04:00.003+08:00

I GOT MYSELF A POSTER OF YOGA LIN YOU JIA ^_^

Okay shut up emily, haha! So today, fana abused me, she cracked my finger for just one song by justin bieber. Mean hor.. See her kechik mcm budak kechik, she is strong and definately not innocent(: HAHAHA!!

So yup, i posted rubbish on Fana's wall using her account and Shehnaz likes it. HAHA!! And then after that headed to Bangkit, then send her to Pending and i went home.

Was texting with Yi Han the whole afternoon, as in till now too, and seriously, he is such a noob. Haha, but takpe la! ^.^ Haha, gonna share everything with Fadhila sooooooon! (READ THIS AND EXPECT GOOD NEWS FADHILA BAMABITCH)

I was on msn with Cammie & Gummy just now!!!! I miss them alot!! I hope i get to see them soon like seriously. Meet me soon you 2!!!!!!!!!! Let's go for eggs & kopi sessions!!

So yeah, im right now smsing with the noob & msning with Rena :) I updated my blogsongs and i think im so gay... HAHAHA. But whatev, as long as is not JoBros, Miley, Demi and so on, hehe.

So i think lady luck is on my side, and i hope that i can seriously move on. My last try, shall not put much hope on it, cause i've learnt my lesson. If i manage to move on, i will appreciate my effort and also god's blessing. If i don't, i will continue to try my very best, is impossible for me to stuck there and miss you all these.

I think im clever enough to let go when you are so stupid to not come back. So im gonna be clever for this time, wish me luck people :) P.E.A.C.E ^^

If you happen to see this, you get this into your head..
If you can prove me that you're better than my ex, i'm yours :)

Just one day, i hope you'll still care for me.

2010-01-24T12:12:00.002+08:00

on facebook chat with yi han ^^
made him promise me something if not he GG.com
im at home alone like one loner with my dog, hope he won't bark out of sudden lol
i want to be eighteen soon so that i will be a adult :p
time now is 1.10pm, going to bath at 1.15pm :)

shall update again at night okie. bye!!

Unrequested heartbreaking news.

2010-01-22T21:38:00.003+08:00

Hi everyone. Today i went to work late, i sat dad's car, and they drove me to work as its raining heavily, reached workplace around 9.33am. Earpiece is still attached to my ear, the song that Fadhila send me last night was on repeat mode.

So didn't do much work, found the keychain that i use to hang it on my handphone. It's a very special keychain to me and i treat it as my treasure. So today me, Selvie & Yingnan ate the new egg roll from out pantry room. And we're addicted to it and eating that makes me happy! Haha!

Had lunch with Venu & Slevie. And they asked how am i going to spend my Valentine's day. Haha, how cute. They thought i will go pa-tor or something, rofl. But i told them that i'll be more focus on CNY instead, bahaha!

Around 5+, bosses left the office. So i went online, chatted with Fadhila. Then Someone chatted with me. Not everything will be like what you want, all you can do is to just, feign ignorance. I do admit i cries for you every now and then when i misses you. But that doesn't mean you have to feel sad about it, if you don't admit the fact that you know i will cry, you won't feel sad. Please, seek my advice, do stuffs that makes you happy, like... Soccer matches, your favourite.

Im sad, its enough. I don't want you to be sad because of me..
Moving on, its hard. If i can, i will do it on the 5th november 2009 itself..

So skip that part, i went to bustop straight, took the 1st 961, fucking fat lady fucking pushed me for 1 empty seat. Nabeh, you sucker. I hope you will fall/sit on shits. So while walking to bustop, nearly got bang like again. My fault, cause i wasn't looking left & right, i just walk. Lucky never bang me, if not...... You'll see me in hospital. Lmao... Okay not funny..

So i _ _ ied on the bus, damn silly. And i fell asleep till Fahmi texted me. And i can't sleep back already, damn! So i alighted at the same stop, wanted to walk home but too tired. So train back.

Home, bath, online. Fadhila managed to make me smile like i did during this afternoon, and i guess. Its gonna take months for my real smile to be back.. I shall not blame you, i will take all the blame, its all my fault. When im sad, i won't be showing out, cause when i does, i don't get what i want, instead i got negatives comments.

So yeah, from today onwards, i will keep it to myself only, Its the safest yet most painful way, takpe, da biase.

Emo & sad post, damn. I hate emo periods...... Fuck!

With a broken heart left unmend, things will get terrible.

2010-01-21T21:00:00.003+08:00

Hello, sorry for my post yesterday, due to yesterday's post, quite a number of people asked what happened. So what i can say is nothing wrong..

So last night i was texting with Gummy & Ayun. And Ayun make me laugh like one mad girl, cause he said he is cute & hot. Haha, kinda happy that we're talking like before already, last long with Yani okay Ayun! Make sure till marriage tau!! ^^

So went to sleep after that, woke up at 7.33am. Bath, went out straight. Took lrt then 961. Reached workplace, bumped into Linn so went to office together. Till 12pm and headed to buy lunch. Ate with Slevie, Venu, Linn, Fred & 1 more lady which i don't know her name. Then back to office, till 5pm+.

Around 5.45pm, Selvie, Yingnan, Pugal & I was like mad people. Mr Rick was like telling this to Yingnan & Pugal, this is the conversation. & For your info, when they are talking, me and Selvie was laughing silently... Haha.

Mr Rick : *pass the invoice to Yingnan* Yingnan ah, must change the name and the date and give it to pugal.
Yingnan : Oh okay.
Mr Rick : *pass a bottle of wine with a bag to Pugal* Okay Pugal, pass it to Ong Choo Bee tomorrow, remember Ong Choo Bee ah. Don't pass to wrong person.
Pugal : Okay.

So Mr Rick left, and Selvie went "He repeated Ong Choo Bee 2 times." LOL. So another conversation that happened yesterday.. :)

Phone rings* Slevie pick up the call.
Slevie : Hello Microbits.
Customer : May i know where did i called?
Slevie : Microbits Information.
Customer : Huh? Mygirlfriend?
Selvie : No, Microbits *her face turning red*
Then they hung up and Selvie burst into laughters. Lol~

So actually work is always fun, its just that i got nothing much to do. And i don't like it when jobs are being pushed to me when i already have some jobs to do, kinda sickening, but what to do? *big sighs* So overall, im still the only trainee there, its boring but its okay. I love it when i get free chewygums from Linn ^^ HAHA.

So i went home by 961. I went to a different bustop, with less people boarding it but with more people already boarded. So i board the bus with Fake Yoga :p Then i sat beside him cause only left 2 space :x Hehe, im so lucky. Lol, how i wish he is the real Yoga~

Then this guy boarded the bus and he kept staring at me, and i thought my face got dirt or what, so i kept wiping my face. Haha, i know im stupid. But anyway, he smiled to me, and he is one handsome lad! Haha, i didn't smiled but i kept looking at him, haha let'see if we'll still take the same bus tomorrow, if we are, i will smile to him this time, only if he smiles :]

So reached Panjang, walked to bangkit to help Linn to deposit her coins into her account, i can say that its damn cool! Walked home, bath, online.

Today i asked some of my friends this "If today was my last day on earth, what will you do or say to me?" I can only remember 4 answers, im very touched with their answer & i know i have them although i got fooled by boys. :)

Nelson said : i love u
Vivien said : i will cry till the whole singapore floods so that they will know i am crying for you and i love you alot.
Gummy said : i will ask you to buy my ciggs and i will say baby sis im gonna miss you.
Ira Meimei said : You're the best jiejie i ever had.

Im super touched with Vivien's! And Nelson's, super hilarious and he made me laughed alone for few seconds. Haha! & Ira Meimei cried, cause she thought imma commit suicide or what, silly. Gummy as usual, and yes i owe him cigs :/

Can't wait for Saturday to come, as well as sunday. All i know is, i don't want Tuesday to come so soon, please! Can't wait for febuary too, and march! Going thailand again & moving house :] :]

I know you don't really see my worth
You think you're the last guy on earth
Well, I've got news for you
I know I'm not that strong
But it won't take long, won't take long

The way you make me jump around in joy.

2010-01-20T22:11:00.003+08:00

i went to work today, i recieved a bad news tonight. okay im done. bai.

Don't call me a wreck if not i'll show you whats a wreck.

2010-01-19T21:52:00.002+08:00

Listening to : Sorry - Buckcherry.
Msn with Kelly Sist & Ruddy :)

So today i woke up at 6am, spam call Vivien till 6.30am. Then gave up, bath, went out at 7am. Took 184, then alighted at Clementi Station. Met Vivien then took 106 to Clementi ITE. I swear im like super kiasu, cause i don't know how to go and me and Vivien followed those ITE students to school. Like lollllll right?! Ha ha!

So went in already, met Shehnaz's neighbour, but i forgot her name but i know her! Haha! Then we talked for awhile already then she went off already. Sean approached me and i was like "er hi." Lmao, not on purpose of course, haha.

Then one of the teacher bought us into smart room 1. We were late, LOL. So went in, alot of people was looking at me and what i did was to scan everyone's face and too bad, no hot guys. HAHA LOL :p Then stayed till 10.44am, Mrs Seetoh bought us around the school. Saw ASLINA & EVANGELA! SO HAPPY!!! HAHAHAHAH.

Then went to idk what room, then all i know is 12pm was our lunch break :p So met Aslina, Evangela and their friend with me, Vivien and Tannah :) Took bus to Clementi, while on the way there met Aidil :) And as usual, he is still the same, haha!

Ate KFC! Then cabbed back school, Mrs Tan's lesson. Vivien went home halfway, so i was with my new classmate but i forgot her name :/ LOL ^^ Then till about 5.30pm, i fell asleep. Super tired, dismissed at 6pm.

Went to bustop with another new classmate but i forgot her name. LOLOLMAO. And she was from Westview too!!!! :D :D HAHAHA! Okay i know im very noob cause idk my classmate's name, lol! And yes i met Otang there!!!

I approached her and we was like "HI!" Hahaha, i swear she is god damn cute! We chatted as if is not our first time meeting each other! Hehe, then she board the 3rd 99 bus while i board the 2nd 963 bus :)

Reached panjang, went to community centre and met Jason. Had dinner then i went home while he went to play basketball (-:

Reach home, bath, online ^^ So yeah, and ya!!!! I wanted to do something to my blog but someone stopped me. What someone told me was right, what for kan? HAHAHA, use blog not everyone know. USE MOUTH LA! HAHAHAHHAHA.

PLEASE. DON'T. THINK. HIGHLY. OF. YOURSELF.
I'M. GONNA. TELL. THIS. TO. EVERY. BODY.

Please ask yourself, if i were to treat you like how you treated me, will you be happy?
This is my answer to your tag on that blog :)

Define support if you can.

2010-01-18T20:37:00.003+08:00

Song playing : Broken Hearted Girl - Beyonce.
Msn with : iFiq & iFana.

Woke up at 7am, i snoozed my alarm from 6am to 7am. Power right! So woke up, bath, went out at 715am, took Lrt, then 961. Reached workplace at 8.45am, didn't slept throughout the trip for the first time since i started working 2 weeks ago.

Reach already, did usual stuffs, then left. 961 to school bustop, waited for Fana. Then walk in cdss, can't go in school, was worried like one mad girl cause i can't contact zoom and he is waiting for me inside!

Was kinda pissed off ah, why can't i use visitor pass sia? Like what the fuck right? This is our conversation:

Me : Uncle! Can we go in? *smile
Uncle : NO CANNOT (shouting)
Me : Huh why? Visitor pass?
Uncle : NO CANNOT. (shouting again)
Me : *thinks nabeh, you think you what fuck? just a security lah hor, cb.
Uncle : Your bother all go home already, you come for what? (shouting again!)
Me : *stares and tak layan.

FUCKTARD RIGHT? FASTING PERIOD STIL EAT! NABEH CHEEBYE, IM AT LEAST A OFFICE ADMIN STAFF, NOT LIKE YOU. SECURITY GUARD?! PUI LAH HOR, NABEH CHEEBYE!

Okay, sorry. Haha, i was fucking angry with him, i think his mind is corrupted or something, he can't even talk in a proper manner, fucktard. You sux la uncle, i hope you will get your karma back and i shall shout at you next time, just you see lah hor, fucktard!

So luckily zoom came out, hehe. Then we walk to bustop, while walking, kept talking rubbish with them, then 184 to interchange. Then zoom went home while me and Fana headed to Ljs. Then headed to lepak. Wanted to go Jurong point, but never.

So we went to lepak at i-d-k what block, then went to Asshidiq's block and stay there, but not with him la duh. Then went to Fajar and train back home.

Reach home, and wtf! I FORGOT TO POST THOSE CARDS THAT MY BOSS ASKED ME TO. DIE LIAO ME. Haha k back to topic, home, bathed, online.

So right now im on msn with Fieza and iFiq & iFana still. Tomorrow going to Clementi ITE already, can't wait!! Meeting Vivien & Shazlina :)

Im changed, you people will dislike the old me.
So whoever you think i've neglected, sorry, i didn't did my part as a sister, so what you can do now is to hate me, curse me, and forget me.

K? F O R G E T M E !

Misses!

2010-01-18T00:14:00.001+08:00

I MISS NURUL FARHANA BINTE HARON.

Haha, currently on msn with Adik. :) Okay, i wanted to blog, but im lazy already. Anyway, adik told me that he thinks me and ayun look alike, hahaha.
He is not the first one to say that, lol.

ah ayun, we look alikeeeeee. hahah, im mad.

goodnight suckers!

Stranger to me, lover to you.

2010-01-17T21:35:00.002+08:00

Song playing now is Taking Back My Love.
Just hung up with Fana Pendek.
Today i buey Fana and went with my dad instead :/
I met Baby Wanxuan today and i carried her ^^ So cute!
Im going to thailand again!!!! :-)

I went to Purmei, Ubi & Eunos.
Going to highlight my hair soon (like finally)
Going to change my look, just you see.
Going to do something about my life, just you see.

One last thing, im going to make the unhappiness in me disappear as its ruining my happy life.

I'm not going to fix those broken parts, you shall do it.

2010-01-16T21:40:00.002+08:00

Hello everyone! I had fun today, so let me start elaborating alright! (-:

Woke up at 7am, again, i am so tired cause i slept at 1am last night, i can't sleep and im so sad. Only adik know why, hehe! :p Then bath after that, went out. Took 961, again one fucking fat lady stare at me, nabeh, i feel like slapping her.

So i switched place, and there's one group of cheena boys, wah, all very sachok!! HAHA, one of them smiled to me, but i tak layan, ego mah! :p So so, back to tha topic, alighted at the same old place. And i smiled to the guy this time when he wave to me, lol! How cute can strangers be, lol.

So i went to work, finished of writting CNY card, updated reports, then did nothing for 2 hours 1/2 minutes. So went online, then offline at 12.22pm. Took 961 to Bpp and then Lrt to Cck. :) Waited for Fieza. While waiting, met Fahkrullah, Billy (but he never see me), Shikin, Afiqah, Yanna, Larry, Jacinda, Ruifen.

Then when Fieza came, hug first!! Then we went to eat KFC ^^ Then walked around, went to rooftop, met Harvin that Ego King/Ahpek, then went off to Mac and off to Smoking area, saw Kael, damn disgusted, stare stare stare, wtf, want to smoke also want to sat sat. -.- Eeee! Then met Zahirah!!!! Talked with her, took pictures :)

Then off to the bluez as Zahirah left to meet her mom. Bought bands, then met Weilong, but he didn't see me, so yup. Then off to smoker area again, then off to CottonOn!!! :D

Then we went to handicap toilet room, very kecoh sia we all, but we had alot alot of fun. Hehe, pictures are all on my facebook, check it out yup!! :D

So yeaaaah, i had alot of fun today and Fana is coming tomorrow to lepak with me :) I can't wait, i think i'll ask Billy and Adik to come also? I don't know, see how first lah :p

Just now i was on msn with Steph, i've made up my mind and i won't change my mind already. Thanks so much Steph :')

And yes, i will always tell myself that i don't love you anymore. Yes, i tak cinta you lagi!!!!! *cries.

Trouble, please get away from me.

2010-01-15T22:18:00.003+08:00

Okay, i hate blogger tonight, i can't upload photo! Stupid, nevermind. Haha, no picture, won't die. So shall talk about today!! :)

Woke up at 6.43am, bathed, got ready and went out. Stupid LRT again, always got push by fat ladies and old ahpeks! So mean to me you know, somemore some of them made me smell their armpits, urgh. What a great start of the day huh :p Hahahahha!

So didn't got to board the first 961 that came since i got there as its full, so waited for the 2nd bus. While waiting, saw Weicheng on bus 176 with Yongli (?) So he waved to me like he's very happy like that, haha! Then board bus already, slept all the way. Reach already, bought buns again :D Then went to office.

Did work, then went to ABC and had lunch with KK, Venu & Selvie, had Chicky rice and Durian Milkshake!!! :D Then walk back, slept (on purpose) HAHA! Then woke up cause boss wanted to see me, urgh -___- Then woke up, Selvie, Yingnan & Venu thought i'll get scolded by him, but no! HAHAHA :p

Helped him with the new year cards, then till about 5+, the person-in-charge from ITE called me up and told me that im enrolled into Clementi ITE!!! Yay, so happy cause im same with Vivien!! HAHA, shall start on tuesday!! I can't wait, but i want their uniform, but the person say don't need, *shrugs, but need to wear office clothes. -.- Geeez.

Then went online till 6pm, msn with Fieza :) Then went back by 961, saw the fake-yoga-lin ^^ Hehe, happy happy me~ Hahahaha, we alighted at the same stop and he seriously look like yoga lin man!!!! >< Oh and i saw Shanker too, but he didn't saw me although i walked past him, haha! Then went to Bpp :)

Met JASON GAN ZHI HUI!!!! ^.^ Ate dinner with him, told him alot alot of things!! I miss him so so so much!!!! And damn, he grew taller again! When i talk to him, i need to look up :( Jason, stop growing, please! haha, so had KFC, then he walk me home! :) Dinner soon ok Jason!!

Reach home, bath, online. Currently on msn with Bammy, Hazmi :)

Berlina sist, i miss you la! Aye, sorry never msn with you much le. :( Anyway i love you lots lots lotssssssssssssssss, <:

The broken pieces makes me useless.

2010-01-14T21:36:00.003+08:00

So this is nothing but a emotional post, once again, i failed to smile to end off the day. Tomorrow is 15th and what i get was "u wait long2 sudah". H.u.r.t.s. t.o. t.h.e.m.a.x seriously.

Faced the moment of truth just now, was very ugly at first, but the ending part was beautiful. Although it's ugly on the outside, i hope the beauty inside stays. So yes, i changed. Im sorry and i really don't mean it.

Thanks to you, i changed to a new me letting people thinking im changed.
Thanks to you, i knew that you prefer the old me.
Thanks to you, my heart, our memories, i am changed, my attitude is changing, and i hate it.
Thanks to you, you were the first person to tell me that i've changed.

I went through alot with that player and caused my attitude to be like that, i became very sacarstic, very malas-nk-pujok-orang, very not-so-open-to-people. Thanks alot ah dude, i will remember for everything you did.

I want the old me, i mean the girl who can control her attitude and care for people, not like now. You told me to wait long2 sudah, i was hurt when i saw that, but i will take note of your message to me, i will change and i will hope for the best outcome that i can ever had.

I am deeply hurt, deeply upset. Now i seek for everyone's forgiveness, i don't mean to be like this, can't blame anyone, not even the player, blame for my weakness.

Lastly, im working tomorrow, and im invited to Venu's wedding!! Yay, but need to dance x.x
Just my luck, boooooo. But im just gonna have fun and forget all my unhappy stuffs.

Wish me luck darlings, and my tagbox is back!!! Tag aku eh!

I know you cares, but why didn't you show it out?

2010-01-14T14:16:00.006+08:00

So yeaps, my blog is announced already, but on my facebook je, so its not really announced, okay whatever, im talking rubbish. So today i didn't went for work, reason is my backbone is killing me again, i've slightly sprained my neck (its okay now) and i had stomachache and i shit non stop from 4am - 6am plus.

So woke up at 6.30, wanted to go for work, but then i went back to sleep, then woke up at 9am as mom is bringing me to see doctor. Called up Selvie and told her that im not going for work. Then went to bathed, went out at 9.15am, consulted Dr Lo as usual, and i got medicines to eat this time, but too bad, im not going to eat it :p

So went to had breakfast with Mom at Bukit Panjang, after that she send me home while she go Purmei and open her shop for business. So reach home, online. Till now.

So im working tomorrow, saturday and off day!! Monday shall work again, sometimes i dislike working cause i need to wake up as early as 6.30 as the fucking 961 takes a long time to come, and adults are so kanchiong like busy bees, kept pushing me.

But i have to stay there for 1 whole year, imagine that! I think i'll collapse and absent myself very soon, somemore takde kaki gerek, no common topics to talk about. So yeah, i don't really like la, but i like it at the same time too, okay what am i talking about?! Haha.

So yup, my backbone is fucking killing me. Was on msn with Ilham, Hazmi, Fana just now, kinda boring yknow, haizz. Why is it that when im at home, time seems to fly as fast as it could, but why is it that when im at work, the time seems to be crawling like a snail.

Hmm what else to say, eh ya, i changed my playlist/widget already, cause flashfetiz or whatever you call it is so dumb, don't know how to repeat sia, dumb right. So i stick to Mixpod ^^

Okay i got nothing to talk about already, zai jian! :)

Tomorrow is 15th, do you remember? The sound clip of you saying 'hello baby!' is still in my phone, whenever im sad, i will listen to it and smile. There was once i called you up when im at Lot1, and i told you that whenever i hear your voice i will be happy and you called me Gila. All these are memories, but i just hope we will have the chance, fate to start anew.

Love you always, your babyaiko.

I will love you with all my heart.

2010-01-13T22:50:00.000+08:00

Okay hello, my first post with my own picture, so comel. Lmao, im kidding. :p So yeah, i went to work today by mom's car and i taught her how to go like how does 961 goes, im so smart! Haha, before that we send Brother to school, and i miss school.

Saw Thasvin walking to school with his brother, saw Shakir crossing the bridge, saw Zul crossing the road, i feel like going back to school, for just 1 school day. So okay, reached my workplace at 9am sharp, i bought my favourite bun to start off the day!! ^.^

So did my usual stuffs, updated the reports, daydreamed for 4 hours plus, can imagine? So went to lunch with Lynn, Selvie & KK at Central. Had KFC ^^ Made me think of fana pendek shit like elephant.

After lunch, went back to office, day dream again, then Mr Rick gave me last minute task, i love last minute task as time will fly damn fast and soon it will be 6pm!!!

So had dinner with Vivien as usual, it was a very small world as my uncle knows Vivien's dad for years and im very very shocked! Haha, so yup, left around 8+ and headed to Westcoast. Then off to Bangkit.

And mom bought me new headphone!! ^.^ So happy, hehez. :P So reach home, bath, online!! Changed my blogsong and the widget. So cute la Hello Kitttttttttty (-:

So now im on msn with Snufflepagus & Hanif. Going offline already, so shag.

Tomorrow is another working day, and Farid texted me to go back to school for drama practice as the Sec 1's are joining, but i can't make it, i miss drama practices like hell. I miss acting!!! LOL, i sound so haolian -.- But its okay, this blog is only between me, fana, ira meimei, snufflepagus, ifiq & fadhila.

I've decided to wait cause i love you alot.

Chalo!

If i were a boy, i'll be a lil not so ego to make it fair for all ladies.

2010-01-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

So today i went to work as per normal, decided to not even care for Md Hairul aka Ayun anymore, i cared for him as a friend, he replied "im fine with my new girlfriend". So he is trying to hurt me afterall, too bad i wasn't affected.

Today while working, i got nothing much to do, so i just listened to songs and reminiscence, expecting myself to hate Ayun more. But i end up thinking of Bestfri. And my tears dropped, never thought im so weak, expecting myself to be stronger than before after going through all these shits.

So Huzaifah got sort of mad with me, and i was really blur, i don't know that i can't ask/say it out. He sound mad, annoyed, like seriously.

So i went to meet up Vivien for dinner as usual, then bus back home alone. In the bus, was thinking and asking what exactly do i want, isn't it enough trouble that i gave my friends and people around me? I feel so angry, with myself and i fell asleep, waking up with a ultra fat guy staring at me as if i ate his mom.

So i went back home, bath, online. Did nothing much, i just feel sad.

I can't move on. I can't let go. I can, but i don't want, i am reluctant to.
Im fucking stubborn i know, but how i wish i know why am i like this.
15th is coming up, if we hadn't broke up, it will be our 6th month.
Md Hazmi, saya rindu awak sangat sangat, awak tau tak?

Okay my malay suck to the core. I just want to say, i miss you alot alot. You know?

I miss you calling me bi and then hug me so tightly. :(

I try to be perfect, but i always failed.

2010-01-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

Okay, i've created this blog for no reason as i closed my previous blog. As for now, this blog is a secret between me and Fana. The reason why is that i wanna type out everything so as to make me feel much better.

So last night, all i can say was great. I've talked it out with Hazmi and to my relief, he wasn't attached at all or i can say yet. But still, i feel very happy to know he is still single. Last night Ayun texted me, apologizing to me and admited his mistakes, i was happy but sad at the same time.

I've already let go this relationship and i didn't thought that he will ask for forgiveness, that's what im happy about, but what hurts is that he sounds very emo. I hope he will regain his happy smiles once again. Cause he don't sound himself.

So people have been asking am i okay, in actual fact, i am not getting any better, when im bored, i think of Ayun. I know its very silly, i don't wish to.

I hate this, *shrugs.